Page 19 of Reckless
Chapter Nine
Wrench
My cheek stings from the impact of her slap. I watch her walk away knowing I'm an asshole and I need to go after her. She didn't deserve that, and I know that no matter how I feel, she couldn't have said no to whatever Brick asked of her. If she were to deny a brother, he could ban her from the club and then it wouldn't matter if by some miracle the rules changed because once you're banned, that's it. There’s no coming back.
It’s killing me trying to move past whatever went on. Fighting the urge not to strangle Brick is taking up all of the energy that I have. Even now, my fists are clenched so tight thinking about it that I wouldn’t be surprised if the bones just snapped.
My words replay in my mind.
I called her a whore.
The look on her face when I said it is enough for me to want to beat my own ass. I know her ex was a douchebag and said nasty shit to her all the time, now I've done the same goddamn thing to her.
I have to go after her. Opening my door, I see Izzy and Nikki standing there. “I do not have time for this shit.”
"Well, make time, buddy," Nikki says, crossing her arms over her chest. Out of all the old ladies, Nikki is probably the one I'd want to mess with the least. Not only is she Pres's girl but she's tough as nails. Izzy isn't much better, and she isn't afraid to call us on our shit. Right now, the two of them are looking at me like they're ready to rip me a new asshole. They take a step into my room, and I contemplate just pushing past them, but I'm already on Pres's shit list.
"I don't know what you said to that poor girl, but whatever it was, you're an asshole." Izzy looks at me as if I make her sick, which I probably do. "Whatever she had going on that made her come here today, I can tell you it messed her up. She didn't ask to be thrown into this life, but she is trying to make it work for you."
“I get that but— “
“Did it sound like she was done talking?” Nikki sneers at me.
I shut up knowing that I need to just let them talk and then get the hell out of here.
“You don’t get it. She needed you for whatever reason today. She got taken into a room with Brick to do whatever and then still was going to hold her head high and try to figure shit out with you. As damaged as she looked when she got here she’s strong as all hell. This is the life you brought her into, don’t be pissed at her for following its rules.” Izzy turns away and walks out of the room.
Nikki is still standing there, but she hasn't said a word.
“You thinking of some more shit to give me or can I leave?”
She shakes her head. “Just be careful. Words can hurt more than hands sometimes. You ever need someone to rant your bullshit to before you say something you’ll regret, come find me.” She cocks an eyebrow at me before walking away.
I shut my door and see Brick walking down the hallway toward me. He looks at me as if he is about to say something. “I don’t want to hear shit from you,brother. You and I are done unless it’s got to do with club business.”
Not waiting for a reply, I head out to my bike needing to find Carly and hope that she forgives me for acting like such a prick.
The ride to her apartment is short, but at the speed I'm traveling it's like nothing. Heading upstairs, I bang on her door. "Carly, I know you're in there. Answer the damn door before I break it down!"
It opens, but the chain is still latched, so I'm staring at her through the couple inches the door is open. "You need to leave." Her voice is quiet.
“No. I need you to open the door. I’m fucking sorry. I’m an asshole. Please let me in and let me explain.”
"Just go, Jax. I can't do this to myself again." Hearing the tremble in her voice cuts me deep.
She starts to close the door, but I stop it with my foot. "Do what again? This is the first time I fucked up, if I'm honest, it won't be the last, I'm sure. I need you to open the door and let me talk to you." She doesn't respond. "Open it, or I kick it down."
I hear her sharp intake of breath, and a sigh as the door closes, and I can make out the sound of the chain rattling. When the door opens, I wrap my arms around her. She pushes against my chest and takes a few steps back creating a small distance between us that feels like it's the size of the Grand Canyon.
Her eyes are red, and the fact that she's been crying only makes me feel worse. "What is so important, Jax?"
"You." It's all I say, but it's true.
She shakes her head and turns away from me. “I can’t go down this same road again. I can’t let myself follow this pattern knowing how miserable it made me before.”
I walk around so I'm in front of her again. "What are you talking about babe? You aren't making sense."
She sighs as her eyes meet mine again. "I'm talking about the fact that for years I let someone treat me like shit. The name calling, the anger, apologizing for it after but doing the same thing again. I can't put myself through it again. I learned that a snake can shed its skin, but no matter how many times they say sorry and swear they'll change, at the end of the day they'll always be a snake."
