Page 103 of Three Irish Kings
Calm down.You don’t even know if you’re pregnant yet. Maybe it’s just a virus.
I stare at the drugstore bag before reaching for it and opening it with shaking hands.
The pregnancy test feels so heavy in my hand, like it carries the weight of the world. My world.
After I’m done following the instructions, I place it carefully on the back of the toilet.
Liam and Cillian are still talking in the living room, probably trying to figure out a game plan on what to do with me. Maybe they’ll kill me, and I won’t have to deal with any of this. It’s a dark thought, but I can’t help it.
I rub my hands over my face, pacing around the large bathroom while I wait.
When my phone timer goes off after five minutes, I slowly pick up the stick and look at the results.
I clap my hand over my mouth and drop the stick, and it crashes to the floor, rattling around.
Tears spurt from my eyes, and I keep my mouth covered so Cillian and Liam can’t hear me. It feels like the world is ending, and the sobs coming from me shake my whole body.
Someone knocks on the door, but I can’t speak; I can’t move, so I kick the pregnancy test behind the toilet.
When I don’t respond, the door opens, and I take in a shaky, wet breath as Cillian rushes to me.
He looks at me for only a second before drawing me into his arms, pulling me close against his broad chest.
“Mo chuisle.” His hands rub up my back, comforting me.
Cillian doesn’t ask me what’s wrong. He doesn’t push me. He just holds me until my sobs finally start to abate.
I’m still trembling in his arms, but at least the tears aren’t choking my throat.
I press my face into his chest, wetting his shirt and sniffling.
Finally, I pull away, looking up at him.
Cillian’s Adam’s apple bobs up and down as he searches my face. “Are you okay?”
I shake my head. I can’t tell him the truth, can’t lose him just yet. Can’t lose the others either.
“It’s just...she’s dead. I feel like it’s my fault somehow. I know it doesn’t make sense.”
He frowns. “How can it be your fault? Besides, she made her own choices,mo chuisle.”
“Does that mean she deserved to die?”
Cillian’s brows furrow deeper. “I don’t know.”
He’s honest. God, he’s so honest and sweet, and I know now I’m in love with him and his two best friends.
Tears well in my eyes again.
He looks down at the ground. “I don’t know a lot of things. But I do know I’m glad it’s not you on that slab.”
My throat is clogged, and my voice will break and tremble if I speak, so I just look up at him. I caress his face, and he looks down at me, his eyes dark and unreadable. I don’t expect him to continue, but he does.
“I’m sorry,mo chuisle. I should have trusted you from the start. It’s just....” He sighs. “I don’t trust easily. Life has not been kind to me, and until Liam found me, I had no one. Liam and Ronan took me in, treated me like a human being. I owe them everything. Ronan needed a weapon, so I became the most lethal one, and my loyalty to the men I consider my family never wavered. Liam is my brother, Ronan is a father to me. Until you came along, I never had a reason to question them…”
I nod.
Cillian takes a large breath. “It’s…hard for me.”
