Page 112 of Pretty Broken Wings
All morning, I’ve been having flashbacks. I remember the times Axel made inappropriate jokes when we were kids. Richwould laugh while Mom scolded. I remember the time Axel fucked his first girl without using a condom, then the next day fucked her best friend, and how he was so cocky about it. I couldn't for the life of me understand why he was so fucking thoughtless.
“It doesn’t mean anything,” he said as he clapped me on the shoulder. “Stop being such a prude.”
He didn’t spend any extra time with Rich that I remember. They never went on trips together.
I try to justify what Axel said with any other possible meaning.
I try to pin Buddy down again, this time standing over her and tilting her head back to me.
Axel did have his own room.
Against my will, my eyes fill with tears.
No. It’s not possible. Because if it is, that means I spent my whole childhood trying to protect my mom when it was my brother who needed it all along.
“What are you doing?” Raven’s gravelly voice sounds alarmed. I glance up to see her standing in the hallway. A second later, she’s striding over to me with anger in her eyes.
“Giving Buddy her dewormer.” I try to clear my throat.
Buddy struggles again.
“You’re being rough with her.” Raven kneels in front of Buddy.
“She won’t take it!”
“Give it to me,” Raven hisses, hand grappling to get my fingers uncurled from the pill. I let her, and she pries Buddy’s mouth open at the corners. Then she drops the pill in, clamping her hand around her muzzle and stroking Buddy’s neck. After a second, she releases her.
I stand there, waiting to see if Buddy will drop the pill. She doesn’t.
“Let her go,” Raven demands.
“She’s gonna spit it out,” I growl, but I let her go reluctantly. I expect Buddy to race down the hall so we can’t see her and drop it, but she doesn’t. She just moves to her food bowl and looks back expectantly.
“Stroke her neck, and she’ll swallow.” Raven stands. I can feel her shrewd look on me.
Suddenly, all I can think about is last night. How we were so close to kissing. How Raven stood there in front of me; for a second, she was unguarded. Her mouth was open, and her pupils dilated. She looked like she wanted me. My arm tingles from where she grabbed it to pin me against the counter, and all I wanted was for her to trust me enough to touch me more. To let me show her that I didn’t want to hurt her.
I don’t want to hurt her. I just want her to feel safe.
Then something happened last night. Her eyes changed, and her lips snapped shut. I watched her fade away in front of me, and I did nothing.
I did nothing.
Just like I saw all the signs with Axel, and I did nothing.
I take a step back, heart clenching in my chest.
“Uh, thanks,” I grind, eyes starting to well up. Fuck! I can’t cry in front of her.
Then, the worst thing happens. The front door opens, and Axel’s voice comes through. “Honey, I’m home.”
CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE
My head is pounding so hard as I stumble into Gage’s house.
Oh my god, why did I drink so much?
I know I embarrassed myself last night. I don’t remember everything exactly; I just have pictures in my head. Gage with his hand on Raven’s thigh. Gage jumping to make her comfortable. Rich looking like a smug motherfucker. I definitely puked my guts out.
