Page 106 of Arranged Control
Once that’s done, I move to delete the text from my mother, but Seamus stops me.
“I was thinking, since you already replied…” He frowns slightly, fingers brushing over mine.
“You want to draw her out?”
“At least I don’t want to close this off. Are you good with that?”
“I’m not good with any of this, honestly, but if it’ll help, we can try.”
“This is hard. I know you want to help. I know you’re scared too. But we’ll be okay.” He kisses me lightly. “I promise you, Alina. We’ll be okay.”
I believe him. I just worry that it isn’t enough.
Chapter 35
Alina
Ipress myself up against Seamus’s side. His breathing is steady and slow. “I can’t sleep,” I whisper, so quiet that it won’t wake him if he’s already out. He stirs slightly, shifting his body toward mine and drawing me closer.
“Close your eyes, princess.”
“I don’t want to. I’m afraid I might dream.”
“Bad dreams?”
“Nightmares.”
“We can’t have that.” He turns toward me and his lips press against mine gently. “We’ll have to replace those bad thoughts with good ones.”
I don’t know if that’s possible. My head’s been running in circles since I found out Molchanie is definitely my mother. But the more I think about what she’s been doing, the more repulsed I feel.
How did I come from a woman like that?
And is there a part of me that’s just like she is?
Broken in some unimaginable way.
Seamus’s hands stroke down my side. “Hey. Hey. You’re here with me.”
I stare up at him and only just realize there are tears in my eyes. “She sent you a hand, Seamus.”
“I know, baby.”
“My mother did that.”
“None of this is your fault.”
I tilt my chin up and kiss him. I know he’s right, but I keep wondering. If I hadn’t married him, would she have done any of this? Would Alex still be alive? Would those Whelan clan members still be around?
His hands explore me. He touches my skin like he has to feel every inch. I pull my shirt off and straddle him, pushing my hips down as he starts to get hard under me. I kiss him fiercely, wanting to drown out the bad thoughts. I’m thinking maybe, if I’m lucky, Seamus is enough to quiet all the pain, at least for a little while.
His mouth kisses my neck, my collarbone. He sits up, kissing my chest, my breasts, hands gripping my ass. I grind into him. I love how hard he gets. I love the hammering in his chest, the way his heart races when we’re touching, and I focus on that.
“Here with me,” he whispers, biting my nipple and licking it. A little pleasure, a little pain. That’s my husband. “Right here with me.”
It feels different this time. Normally, sex with him is frenzied and intense. But tonight, he’s exploring me. He’s going slow and taking his time. He strokes between my legs, but only teasing. Not pushing, not rushing.
I let myself sink into him. The soft rhythm. The breathing. My gentle moans. His fingers between my legs going faster, gliding up and down my slit. I’m soaking wet and eager to strip, but I let him take control.
