Page 117 of Arranged Control
“Don’t pretend like that was on purpose.”
Her lips quirk, gaze narrowing. “If I wanted him dead, he’d be dead.”
I think that’s probably true. And it makes me very uneasy.
“Why did you call me here?”
“I wanted to make you understand.” Her voice shakes slightly as she stares at me. It’s deeply unnerving, the way she doesn’t seem to move or blink. She’s so still, like a mannequin version of herself. “Why I’m doing what I’m doing.”
“Why you left when I was a baby?”
Another flinch. She looks away toward the pizza ovens. “That wasn’t an easy decision.”
“You could’ve called. You could’ve written an email or sent a text. You never did. Instead, you showed up here after I was married and started killing people.”
Her face whips back to mine. Her hands knot into fists. “That’s the only language they speak,” she says viciously, hissing the words at me. “If I had come here speaking truth, begging down on my knees, they would have laughed at me. Ruslan might’ve acted like he still loves me, but even he wouldn’t have given me what I really want.”
“Which is what?” I whisper, taking a step back from her. This woman is deeply unhinged. I can see that now. There’s something broken in her, something necessary for normal people to keep their emotions under control. She’s like a boiling pot with a tight-fitted lid covering the water and keeping thesteam inside, but some keeps leaking out in short, terrible bursts.
“I didn’t give you much. I left when you were a baby, but I’ve been watching you. I never forgot, and I never forgave your father for the way he treated me, and I had to make sure he didn’t do the same to you.”
I shake my head, confused. “What do you mean, what he did to you? Papa acts like he’s in love with you.”
Her laugh is ugly and bitter. “Back then, your father’s way of showing his devotion was to beat me until my eyes swelled shut. After you were born, he kept threatening to hurt you every time I made some minor mistakes. If I slept in too late, if I didn’t clean up after him the way he wanted, all I ever got was violence. I kept my distance after I left, but I made him understand that you would never be treated the way I was treated, or else I’d come home, and I’d cut his throat.”
I let all that sink in. I feel like a boat filling with dirty water. I lean back against the counter, heart racing wildly as I grip the gun in my pocket. Seamus’s breathing is a steady reminder that I’m not alone. “You’re okay,” he whispers. “You’re okay.”
But he’s wrong. I’m not okay, not at all.
“That’s why he was paying you.” I look at my mother, bile rising in my throat.
“The money was supposed to be for you one day, but you know how things are. Life always gets in the way.”
“If my father was so bad, why did you leave me with him?”
She looks down at the floor and closes her eyes. “That’s something I ask myself. Back then, I thought I couldn’t take careof you. You have to understand, I’ve always been Molchanie in some form or other, except for the short time I was with Ruslan. I was going back to that life, and how could I raise a little girl while moving around constantly? While killing for a living? It just wouldn’t work. So I decided to make a deal. Your father would provide you with a decent upbringing. Something steady. And in return, I promised not to kill him.”
I rub my face with both hands. I don’t understand this. Papa acted like he was still in love with her, but the way she tells it, she’s been threatening him since she ran away.
I’m not sure what to believe. Molchanie is clearly insane. But my father’s always been a liar, and her version makes a lot of sense.
Or maybe the truth is somewhere in the middle. He’s still in love with her, and he’s also terrified she’ll end his life.
“I have another question. If you care about me, why do you keep hurting me?”
She looks confused. “I haven’t touched you.”
“You’ve killed my husband’s people. You’ve threatened my husband’s family.”
“Your husband is just like your father.” She tilts her head, giving me a strangely birdlike frown. “They’realljust like your father. I’ve seen so many of them over the years, Alina. Men wrapped up in blood and money. Maybe your husband is fine right now, but he’ll change. They always change. When he’s sick of you and you’re not a fresh new toy anymore, that’s when the pain starts. I want to save you from that. I’m back to protect you.”
I stand up straight. I face her, looking right into the eyes of the crazy woman who gave birth to me and is now trying to ruin everything good in my life. I spread my legs and steady myself.
“You can protect me by leaving me alone.”
“You think you can handle him, and that’s what I thought too, but you’re wrong. Believe me, you’re wrong. I want to spare you the pain of finding out.”
“Leave me alone,” I repeat, stepping toward her. My heart’s racing and holding the gun isn’t steadying my hands at all anymore. I’m so scared I’m afraid I might throw up.
