Page 78 of Arranged Control
Instead, I stare at the ceiling, unable to sleep. It’s close to midnight, and I need rest if I’m going to be at my best. I need all the strength I can get right now.
In normal times, back before I got married, sleep came like pulling on a pair of comfortable pants. I’d lie down on the bed, close my eyes, and wake up exactly when I wanted to, hours later, feeling refreshed and ready to go.
Nothing held me down. Nothing kept me awake.
My head was clean and my mind was pure.
No attachments mean nothing can pin me down.
Now I’m a mess. I’ve got a dozen worries all fighting for space in my dreams. When I close my eyes, I keep seeing my mother with her throat cut, or my father with his head blown off, or one of my brothers bleeding out in the street.
Or I see Alina screaming as she’s torn from my arms.
Putting distance between us doesn’t help. The more I try to act like I don’t care about her, the more it becomes obvious just how much I do. It’s a nightmare. I want to go back to my old self, floating through the days like lint in the breeze, but I’m not that man anymore.
Thanks to my wife.
There’s a creak in the hallway. It’s a small noise. The sort of thing that wouldn’t have bothered me before Alina. But now it makes me sit straight up.
My gun’s in my hand before I even realize what I’m doing.
Shirtless, wearing just a pair of boxer briefs, I steal across the room and pause at the door, listening. I’m on red alert and I feellike an idiot. All because something went bump in the night, and here I am reacting like the world’s going to end.
I’m about to give up and go back to bed when I hear it again.
Another creak.
Someone’s out there in the hallway. My heart quickens as adrenaline flushes into my system. I get the sense Molchanie doesn’t want to hurt Alina, but I can’t be sure about that.
The assassin could’ve changed her mind.
I kick open the door and charge into the hall. I ram my shoulder against the far wall, gun up, ready to squeeze the trigger.
Alina shrieks and stumbles back away from me, arms pinwheeling in the air. “It’s me! It’s me!”
I bite back a whole lot of curses as I lower my weapon, making sure my finger’s off the trigger. “Alina? What the hell are you doing?”
“Oh my god, what amIdoing?! What are you doing?! You scared the shit out of me!”
“You’re lurking outside my door in the middle of the night.”
“You’re storming out into the hall in your underwear with a freaking gun. Who do you think is crazier in this situation?”
“I’d say it’s a draw.”
“I’d say you’ve lost your mind.” She paces back and forth, fanning her face. “Oh my god, I feel like my heart’s going to explode.”
“Come here.” I shove my gun into my waistband and help her into my room. I sit her down on the edge of the bed and go get her a glass of water.
She accepts it gratefully. “Would you put that gun away? You’re going to blow your dick off.”
“That’d be a great loss for women everywhere.”
“Oh, yeah? Women everywhere? I wonder how your wife would feel hearing that.”
I grin sheepishly and place the gun back onto the end table. “Fair point. I guess it’s just a loss for her.”
“Not like she’s getting much benefit from it right now.” She sighs and puts the glass on top of my bureau. “Well, there’s no way I’m getting to sleep now.”
