Page 54 of Rough Rider (Bad Boy High)
I loved getting a glimpse into the way Niki interacts with his family. I am not the least bit surprised by how gentle and loving he is with them. It’s the same way he treats me.
Niki and I haven’t made plans for tonight, but I’m hoping we go there again. Their home actually felt like a home. I don’t think mine ever has. It made me realize how empty my apartment is. Even during the times when Mom wasn't in rehab, we frequently felt like two separate entities. Both living our lives for ourselves, coexisting in the same space.
Last night was a reminder of what I want in life. That normalcy of a homelife. The simplest of things, like having dinner together and merely hanging out with each other. Some people want and need fancy stuff, but none of that matters to me.
After I pick out three books that I think Julie will enjoy, I check out with the librarian.
"Kids’ books?" she asks, scanning the barcode.
"My boyfriend's little sister loves to be read to."
"That's sweet." She gives me a smile. "Oh, I forgot. There was someone in here looking for you yesterday." My stomach tightens, the bananas I ate for a snack not settling well. Who the hell would be looking for me?
"Who?"
"She has curly hair and an odd name." Her brows furrow together in thought, searching her mind. I immediately relax that it was a girl but not fully. Who the heck would be in here looking for me?
"Josie. That's it." She snaps her fingers. I inwardly release a breath of relief. With everything that’s gone down lately, I wasn’t sure who the heck might be looking for me.
"We go to school together."
"Have you been getting things in order to go to college?"
"Yes," I tell her, making her smile.
"Good for you."
I want to share more details with her, but I'm pressed for time. I order a car to take me over to Synergy Recovery Center, knowing Niki wouldn’t be thrilled about the idea of me taking the three buses to get there. I think I’d be fine, but Niki doesn’t ask for much, and I’ll give him what I can for him to have peace of mind.
It’s nice having a person that cares to check in on you throughout your day. I’d once thought I could go missing for a full day before people really took notice. It’s a sad fucking thought, but with Niki, I think an hour tops, and he’d have a search party out.
When I get to the center, they search me and my belongings, and I have to leave my bags in a locker. I text Niki, letting himknow I won't have my phone for a bit, and I'm not sure how long this is going to last.
I'm nervous. My mom and I are going to be doing a short therapy session with a counselor. I'm worried about what might all be drummed up. I don't want to rock the boat. Mom has been doing so well, but Niki told me you have to shake things up to start testing the waters. That life isn't going to be all flowers when she gets out. If we don’t get to the bottom of the issue, she will most likely fall back into the same bad habits.
When I step into the main rec area, Mom jumps up from her seat, rushing over to me. I know it hasn’t been long since I last saw her, but each day she appears healthier. She engulfs me in a tight hug. I hug her back just as hard. I can tell she’s missed me, and I can’t help the lump that forms in my throat.
“You came.”
“Of course I came. I told you I would.” Mom releases her hold on me, her hands cupping my cheeks.
“I know. You always show up. I just don’t deserve it.”
“Mom.” I place my hands over hers. “I love you. If you’re trying, then I’m here.”
“I don’t know how I raised such a beautiful soul.”
“I don’t know about all that.” I laugh.
When we get settled into the counselor’s office, any laughter we had is replaced with tears. Mom tells me more about her history and things that have happened. I don’t think she gives me everything, but what she does is heavy. It’s a lot to process.
“I know I’ve been sober since the hospital, but it still felt like there was this fog in my head, and it’s started to clear.”
“That’s great, Mom.” I squeeze her hand.
I let out a sigh of relief inwardly when we’re done with the session. It was short, but it packed a hell of a punch. I’m glad we did it and will be doing it again. I can see how badly my mom needed to get some of the issues off her chest.
Mom shows me to her room, introducing me to her roommate, who appears to be around my mom’s age. She leaves us to hang out alone.
