Page 14 of Dirty Little Secret, Baby
Again, I feel my eyes getting heavy. Ben seems to be done, he's burped, and is sleeping peacefully again. Maybe just a ten-minute nap, because then I have to go back to the shop and reopen. Ten minutes is better than nothing, I decide, laying Ben down on the couch next to me. I build a sort of barrier aroundhim with blankets so he doesn’t fall off if he rolls over in his sleep, and lie down next to him.
He smells so good. So much like a baby and just... he's simply the greatest thing in the world to me. I set the alarm on my smartphone, and my eyes close and...
RRR RRR RRR
I jolt awake. It wasn't the alarm; it still shows seven minutes left of my precious afternoon nap. No, it's my hamster, Petey.
He seems to have some kind of sixth sense for knowing exactly when to keep me from sleeping. Hamsters are supposed to be nocturnal, but Petey… he’s different, and he’s also pretty old. I bought him before I even knew I was pregnant because I felt so useless and lonely and wanted a little life in the apartment. At the pet store, they told me he was old and would die soon. But he looked so cute. I took to him immediately and wanted to give him a nice time with me before he crossed the rainbow bridge. He's actually holding up pretty well, eats well, and runs a lot. Maybe the noisy pet store just made him sick. The only thing that's off is his biorhythm. He should be sleeping right now, which he was doing while I was breastfeeding. Now he's running on his little hamster wheel in the cage, which has recently started making this annoying noise.
Then Petey stops again, but that little bit of noise was enough to wake not just me, but now Ben too, who, of course, is just as unhappy about it as I am and is now screaming irritably.
I pick him up, rock him gently back and forth, and after another ten minutes, he's back in the land of dreams.
I lay him down, glance at the clock, and see that I'm already late to open the shop. Veronica isn't back yet either. I hope nothing happened to her. I nervously look at the clock, not knowing what to do. Then the door finally opens. Veronica, of course, has her own key and can come and go as she pleases.
"Sorry, I..." she begins.
"Shhh," I say quickly, pressing a finger to my lips. "Ben's sleeping," I whisper.
"Oh," she says, flinching. She takes off her jacket and looks at the little treasure with a smile. "I'm really sorry, I..."
"You don't have to apologize to me, Veronica. What would I do without you?" I pull her into a hug, pressing her close, suddenly becoming incredibly emotional and feeling a tear roll down my cheek. Maybe it's just the sleep deprivation.
"Hey, hey," she says, giving me a friendly pat. "It's all good. Now go down and open your shop. Ben and I will be fine." She gives me her kindest smile.
I give her a kiss on the cheek that I hope expresses more than any words of gratitude ever could. Besides, she's already told me she can't stand to hear the wordthank youfrom my mouth anymore after the thousand times I've used it.
"Okay, see you later."
***
"Don't you open at one?" the elderly lady asks me. She was already standing outside the door when I appeared behind it at 1:07, turning the key and flipping the little sign so that OPEN was now visible from the outside.
"Yes, I'm sorry, something came up," I say hurriedly, inviting her in, feeling terribly guilty for making her wait. This has happened a few times now, and I suspect not all customers are as patient as she is, but just go buy their flowers at another shop that doesn't have personal problems like me and opens reliably.
"It's all right. I know how it is," she says reassuringly with a smile. "I'm here to pick up my pre-ordered bouquet. The geraniums. You know the one I mean?"
I don't, and I look around helplessly at the arrangements my part-time helper prepared this morning from eight to ten. But no geraniums. Then I look at the note she handed me before she left, and I go hot and cold all over. She had noted down the geranium bouquet with all the details, including the 1:00 p.m. pickup time.
And me? I screwed up. And I know why. Veronica called me shortly after my helper left because Ben was inconsolable. So we quickly swapped, I went upstairs and breastfed him, and then...
Crap! This must be what they call 'mommy brain.' I completely forgot about the note.
"I'm so sorry," I say. "I'll make the bouquet for you right now. Do you have five minutes?"
"It's fine, dear," she says, a little less friendly this time. "You seem to have a lot going on in your life right now, don't you? I remember when I was your age. Oh, I think I already had children by then and..." She stops herself. "Do you have any?"
"A son. Almost three months. He's sleeping upstairs."
"Oh, well in that case, I understand," she says, waving her hand dismissively. "You're a wreck at that stage. Don't worry. I have time," she says, smiling again. "Is the father watching him?"
"A friend. The father..." I pause. "He skipped out."
"Pfft... these fathers today." She pauses. "But you're a pretty thing. You'll find your happiness."
I just nod silently, arranging the bouquet, not sure what she means byfind your happiness. Who wants to date a single mom who works in a flower shop? And besides, WHERE am I supposed to meet someone? Flowers are a woman's thing, and the men who come in here aren't buying them for themselves, but for a woman they're with or hoping to win over.
I push the thoughts aside and feel my hands start to tremble, even though I know she probably meant well.
