Page 24 of Dirty Little Secret, Baby
Her jumbled words make me grin. She’s nervous. It’s kind of cute. I should give her time to handle whatever she needs to handle. At least she didn’t tell me to my face she never wants to see me again. Compared to our first run-in at this very shop, that’s a pretty big step forward.
"Here," I say, spin the notebook on the counter next to her around, and write my number on it with a ballpoint pen. Then I turn back to her, and I can’t help myself: I gently run my index finger along her cheek. She lets me, and I can feel the touch turning me on all over again.
"Take as much time as you want and handle whatever you need to handle. Call me and we’ll go to dinner. Whenever you want."
Beth says nothing. She just nods.
Then I raise a hand in a little wave and feel ridiculous doing it. But if I get close to her again, I won’t just kiss her cheek; I’ll pin her against a wall and...
"I should go now," I say, mechanical, trying to switch off the movie in my head. Beth nods again. I turn and leave the shop, and I honestly don’t know if I just took a step forward or three steps back.
Chapter 9
Beth
"He apologized and..." I shake my head, pausing as I rock the sleeping Ben in my arms on the couch in my apartment, replaying everything in my mind.
For a few seconds, I just stood there rooted to the spot, staring at the door Alex had disappeared through, wondering how I could lose my composure so quickly around that man.
"But that's a good thing, sweetie," Veronica says. "That's exactly what you've always wanted, right?" She pauses again. "You were about to add something. What else happened?"
"We almost kissed and..." Veronica claps a hand over her mouth in shock, and I look into her wide eyes. "I know, I know. Imanaged to pull back just in time. But he asked me to dinner, and maybe you're right and I shouldn't go at all and..."
"I didn't say that, sweetie. I was just so surprised. So happy. Oh, I don't know. But it sounds so lovely, doesn't it, the father of your child wanting to kiss you and take you out?"
"Yeah, I guess so," I murmur, and then I tell Veronica about my wild excuses for all the things I supposedly had to sort out. Made-up online orders, my part-time help, and my messy apartment. "Am I now the one building a potential second chance on a lie?" I ask my friend. "And more importantly, do I even want this second chance?"
"Beth," Veronica says, sliding closer to me. She places her hand on my knee and with the other strokes the rosy cheek of Ben, who's still asleep in my arms.
"I've known you for a really long time, and I've heard you say more than a few times during your pregnancy and since Ben was born how much you wished he had a father. And now, it's not just some random guy who wants to go out with you, buttheguy. Your boy's father."
"Yeah, but maybe he just wants to wrap me around his little finger again, like last time, and then toss me aside like trash. What if I fall for it a second time?"
"Counter-question: How are you going to feel about it if you turn him down and he never asks again?"
I get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach as I look from Veronica to Ben and stroke his head. How could I ever explain that to him? If I don't do it for myself, then at least for him. Sure, I've always wanted a father for Ben. But should it really be the man who dumped me in total playboy fashion? Then again, he said it was a misunderstanding, a supposed emergency. But is that true?
"I'm not going to tell him we have a child together. I don't want pity or anything, and maybe he just wants to go to dinner with me because... there was that other guy who offered me money for the shop. Maybe he doesn't want anything from me and just wants the shop?"
"Did I hear in your words that maybe you do want to go?" Veronica says, grinning.
"You did, but..." I start, but this time it's a loud sigh from the sleeping Ben that makes me pause.
"See?" Veronica says in a whisper, a grin on her face as Ben settles down again and turns his sweet little head to the other side. "Even Ben thinks you shouldn't worry so much. But seriously, if you're worried he's up to something, just ask him."
"I just don't understand why he's showing up right now and wanting to take me out," I murmur under my breath, more to myself than to Veronica. I can feel that curiosity is winning out and that I'd really regret it if I said no. On the other hand, his motives aren't really clear to me, and the fact that I almost let him kiss me scares me. And makes my knees weak just thinkingabout it. God, what is it about this man that affects me so much, even after how he treated me?
"Maybe he's just into you," Veronica says, pulling me from my thoughts.
"You mean..."
"I mean he wants to go to dinner with you, even though your hair is anything but perfect right now," Veronica begins, and I instinctively run a hand through my hair, feeling without a mirror that my mane of curls desperately needs a comb.
Veronica continues, "Plus, your top has milk stains, which he might not have recognized as such, but he must have seen them, as well as your clearly visible nipples and..."
"Oh my God," I blurt out, feeling heat rush to my cheeks as I look down at myself and see how right she is. This is so damn embarrassing. When I think about it now, that he wanted to kiss me even with messy hair and a dirty shirt, then... yeah, what then? Then I don't even know what to think about it myself.
"Could it just be that he's into you? I mean, maybe he likes your personality." Then Veronica gives me a grin. "Sure, your body too, and your nipples were definitely a plus and..."
