Page 29 of Dirty Little Secret, Baby
Just as Beth had opened the door and was about to get in, I gathered my courage and placed my hand on her shoulder.
"Hey," I said, as she paused and we looked at each other.
"If I said something inappropriate, please forgive me. I was just trying to be nice and I thought if Veronica is a single mom, that must be damn hard and..."
There it was again, that glassy look and the feeling that I was making it even worse, and yet she smiled. "Already forgotten," she said.
"But I haven't forgotten," I whispered and threw all my resolutions to take it slow overboard. "I haven't forgotten last year. Not for a second. And I regret that it ended."
Beth's cheeks flushed as my face moved closer to hers. This time she didn't pull back. Not even when our lips met, which felt like the fulfillment of a long-held wish I didn't even know I had.
Our tongues played with each other. I stepped closer to her, wanting to feel her body against mine, and gently pressed her against my car, not wanting this to stop.
But it did stop.
Quite abruptly, in fact.
Because suddenly I felt a hand between us. Beth's hand.
She gently but firmly pushed me away, and when she looked at me, there was that glassy look from before again. What waswrong with her? Hadn't I given her the feeling, with words and actions, that everything was okay?
"I'm sorry, Alex. It was a wonderful evening. But I'm taking a taxi home," she explained and turned to leave.
Helpless and stunned, I stood there for a few seconds, processing her words. Never had anything so strange happened to me. First she lets herself be kissed, and then she leaves me hanging?
"Beth. Wait, I..." I began as she got into the taxi behind my car.
"I'm sorry," Beth said and gave a curt smile as she closed the door and the taxi then started to move. I watched the taillights and didn't understand the world anymore.
Until just now, I thought everything was going perfectly.
Now, however, I didn't know whether I should drive after her, text her, or forget her.
What had gone wrong?
Chapter 11
Beth
"Oh, you're back already?" Veronica asks as I come into the apartment and drop my keys on the small dresser by the door.
"Is everything okay with Ben? Did anything happen?" I ask her, trying to change the subject that’s been hounding me the entire taxi ride here.
He kissed me. Alex, my child's father, kissed me. And I let him.
No, more accurately: I wanted it, and I felt like I was completely melting when our tongues met and he pressed his warm, strong body against mine. I wanted it so badly, and yet a voice in my head was screaming that I couldn't do this, that I was going too far, because he doesn't know about the baby. Our baby. He said himself that he's not exactly the typical father figure type, evenif he tried to walk it back afterward. And still, I caved, and in the taxi, I was angry with myself for how easily I’d fallen for him. One dinner, one intense look, and I was wax in his hands. But why?
"Earth to Beth? Are you in there?" Veronica asks, waving her hand back and forth in front of my face.
"Yeah... uh... what did you say?" I stammer, trying to push the thoughts aside.
"I said you weren't even gone for three hours, and Ben hasn't woken up once since I put him down. I didn't have to warm up a bottle, and nothing else happened." Then she pauses and gives me a sideways glance. "So, spill. How was it? And what are you doing back here already? Didn't he want to invite you back to his place for 'coffee'? Or was that the problem?" She makes air quotes around the word coffee, which makes it clear what she means.
"It was... nice," I say after a brief hesitation, and it's true. Even more than that. The conversation at dinner, the light flirting, laughing with each other. It was wonderful. I had a great time, and yet I feel like the kiss has made everything more complicated.
"That bad? Isn't 'it was nice' just another way of saying 'it sucked'?" Veronica asks worriedly, apparently seeing that something's wrong. I've always been an open book to her. Even back in high school, she always knew when something wasbothering me. Why would this time be any different? And why am I so hesitant to confess to Veronica what happened?
I know why: Because I'm a little ashamed of it.
