Page 31 of Dirty Little Secret, Baby
"Come back in a week. If it hasn't gotten any better by then, you should maybe consider putting him to sleep. He has arthritis. He's old. Older than hamsters usually get."
"I know," I say sadly, looking at Petey and stroking the sleeping Ben's little head in my carrier. "He already had some issues when he came to me. But I'm attached to him."
"The medicine will help with the pain. But it can't be a permanent solution. We'll take another look in a week. The side effects of the medication are... well, let's just say they're not life-extending."
I swallow hard and fight back tears. I knew it would come to this. And yet, the news is like a punch to the gut.
Dejected, I leave with Ben and Petey and head back home. There, I mix the medicine into Petey's food. He eats well, and about fifteen minutes later he seems to fall into a relaxed sleep, so I can breathe a little easier.
I put Ben down, glance at the clock, and see that I have half an hour before I have to be at the store. I make myself a coffee, think about how I'm going to handle the situation with Petey, and hope that he'll be better in a week.
With my coffee in hand, I go looking for my smartphone, and when I find it plugged in behind the couch, I remember what I was planning to do.
I turn on the fully charged device and a moment later I see that Alex has sent me a message.
My heart is hammering in my chest. I'm nervous and, at the same time, I can't believe the physical reaction that just the notification of a message from him triggers in me.
Hey. I hope you slept well, Beth. Thanks for the great evening.
The message is only five minutes old. I immediately type back.
I thought the evening was wonderful, too. Sorry I left so suddenly.
I want to add something else, but I don't know how to explain it. His reply is prompt.
No problem. I was maybe a bit forward. So it was my fault.
I have to smile when I read that. I wouldn't have credited him with that much empathy.
I was also to blame. It's just...
I pause while typing. What did Veronica say? How about the truth? I take a deep breath and decide to give it a try.
It's just: what happened last year hurt me. I want to take things slow.
As soon as I send the message, I feel hot and cold all over. I wrote "take things slow." To him, that means I want more. But I just wanted the one dinner and nothing more. Right?
Before I can correct myself, his reply is already there.
I understand, and I'm really sorry. What do you say we go out to dinner again tonight and talk about how slow it should be?
My heart is pounding wildly in my chest. I'm about to type a reply, but then I hear Ben crying and, on top of that, it's almost ten o'clock. That means I have to relieve Paula soon. And I really want to answer Alex.
But Ben comes first. He always does. Maybe he just wants to eat and I can type while I feed him?
Then my phone rings. It's my store's number.
"Paula?"
"Beth, I have to leave early today, can you come down right now? I have a doctor's appointment."
"Of course, Paula. I'm coming," I say, picking up Ben, putting my phone in my pocket, and wondering how I'm going to juggle all of this in the long run.
Chapter 12
Alex
Damn it, what am I doing wrong? Why hasn't she texted back?
