Page 38 of Dirty Little Secret, Baby
"It's... Veronica needs my help. Woman-baby-stuff. You know?" she asks, looking a little stressed.
I nod, but honestly, I don't know at all.
"But how about dinner? Are you picking me up? Tonight at 8 p.m.?" she asks, and every one of my senses internally rejoices. This is it: everything will surely be easier to explain in a relaxed atmosphere. Her friend and her baby won't interrupt us there, either.
"I'd love to," I say, grinning, and as Beth is already on her way back upstairs, I call after her. "Good luck with your woman-baby-stuff."
"Thanks," I hear Beth say before I leave the shop.
Okay, I'm back in the game. And tonight, I'll tell her the rest, and I'll choose my words carefully beforehand.
But what the hell is woman-baby-stuff, anyway? Did the baby puke on the carpet? That would probably remain a mystery to me forever.
Chapter 15
Beth
"He's calmed down," I whisper to Veronica, stroking the head of my sleeping son in my arms.
"I'm sorry, I... he just wouldn't settle down," Veronica says apologetically.
"You don't have to be sorry. I saw it too. Ben was asking for me, and I can't blame the little guy," I reply, stroking the sweet little munchkin again. I hope I'm not doing him any harm; he's with Veronica so much and apparently not with me as often as he wants.
"Your mommy is a real mess right now," I whisper to him. "And now I've gone and told your daddy that we're going out to dinner tonight." Then I silently add a promise that I'll do better. I wantto be a better mother to Ben, be there for him more, even if I don't know how yet. I also think about how, in a way, I'm doing this for him, because his father... he finally needs to know.
"I'll watch Ben and move my shift," Veronica says, without me even having to ask.
"Thanks," I say, patting her shoulder. "But this can't become a regular thing. I need to get my life under control. And these lies..." I pause. "This can't go on. I don't want to have to make up some excuse about 'women's things' when Ben needs me. And you shouldn't have to pretend to be his mother all the time. I can't keep going on like this."
"I get it, sweetie. But what if..."
"Then he deserves neither me nor Ben," I return, resolute, while at the same time afraid that's exactly what will happen. "But this can't go on. I have to tell him. No matter what comes of it and..."
"Hello, is anyone here?" we hear an older woman's voice call from downstairs. For a moment, Veronica and I look at each other, confused, but then it dawns on me: it's a customer, waiting downstairs in the shop where there's no one to take care of my flowers and the orders.
"I'll get it. You stay with Ben," Veronica says as our eyes meet.
"I'll text Paula and ask if she can cover," I say, giving Veronica a kiss as a thank-you before she heads downstairs.
This can't go on like this. In fact, nothing in my life is going right at the moment: I'm neglecting my child and my shop, and at the same time I'm trying to date my child's father, who's telling me that his ex-employee is taking pictures of him to annoy me. But why? Have I gotten myself into something I should have stayed away from?
A moment later, Paula confirms she'll be there in twenty minutes and can take over the shop. Thank God.
I put my feet up, with no intention of putting the sleeping Ben down. He can stay with me all day, right on top of me. Whatever he wants.
Tonight, when Alex picks me up, he'll hopefully be asleep while Veronica watches him. And then I'll tell Alex everything. Absolutely everything.
***
Running late. It'll be 8:30. Sorry. Car wouldn't start.
Alex's text arrives about ten to eight and is a huge relief. I'm already in a dress and have hastily applied some makeup, but Ben was still pretty restless, and I was already thinking it would turn into another hard-to-explain situation if he showed up at the shop door at eight o'clock sharp to pick me up.
I text a quick "OK" back, then take care of Ben, nurse him again, and by twenty after eight, he's slumbering, full and content, in his bed.
I stay beside him for another five minutes, but he doesn't make a peep. Pleased and proud of my little treasure, I give him a gentle kiss on the forehead, which he also accepts without moving, his breathing even and soft.
"If anything happens, text me. I'll come as fast as I can," I say to Veronica, who has been waiting patiently in the living room. "And... thank you."
