Page 39 of Dirty Little Secret, Baby
"Don't mention it, sweetie!"
"No, really. You're... I would've been lost long ago without you. Thank you," I say, deeply moved, and give her a hug.
Then I hear a distant knocking and know immediately where it's coming from. That has to be Alex, standing at the now-closed shop door to pick me up. Two minutes earlier than he said.
"Go on, now. Ben and I've got this. And hey..." Veronica says, looking at me. "It's all going to be okay."
"I hope so," I reply, wondering whatokaycould possibly mean in this context. That he doesn't immediately run for the hills when he finds out about Ben? Would that count as okay?
As I go downstairs and see him through the glass door, waving at me in his smart suit and charming smile, I again feel that tingling sensation take over my entire body.
"Hey," he says as I unlock the door. I breathe in that familiar mix of cherry and leather, we're closer than we should be, and it feels like little bells are ringing in my ears. "Sorry I'm late. Car trouble, and my helicopter's in the shop, too, and..."
"Oh, the rich boy only has broken toys," I say in a mock-pitying tone, trying to dial down the intensity of our first meeting, though I'm terrible at it.
Alex suddenly starts laughing. "Alright. I get it. Shall we?" he asks, gesturing to the car two spaces down.
"That's your loaner?" I ask, pointing to the Mercedes AMG convertible that probably costs more than most New Yorkers' apartments. "Must be awful for you, huh?"
"It's in the garage most of the time, but the keys were missing and... Hey, are you making fun of me?" Alex asks, poking me playfully in the side.
Then we're standing in front of his car, looking directly into each other's eyes, and neither of us says a word. Maybe he's also thinking that it's become a strange sort of tradition for us to look at each other in front of his car—sometimes we kiss... and sometimes we don't.
"You look amazing," he whispers, giving me a look of pure desire. I knew this was going to be hard. But this hard?
"You look nice, too," I return, again trying to hide my insecurity with a quick retort.
"Nice?" he asks, grinning.
"Yeah, nice," I say in an indifferent tone, but I can't hide a smile.
"Do you have any preferences for food? I was thinking..." he begins, holding the door open for me.
"How about Indian? There's a great restaurant just a few minutes from here," I say quickly, cutting him off. I'd only just discovered it on Google Maps this afternoon during a quick search while Ben was napping. The pictures and reviews looked good. The reason is my underlying worry that something might still come up with Ben. This way, I'd be nearby and could get back quickly.
"Indian... I'd love that," he says. "Shall we?" he asks, offering me his hand to get in. As our hands touch, it's there again: that heat. That desire that devours and shoves aside all reason within me.
***
"I didn't know this place, but I have to say, it's really beautiful here. And the food is amazing, too. Don't you think?" Alex asks as we take the first bites of our main course.
"Absolutely," I agree, because he's right: the place is a dream, almost like a trip to India. It smells of exotic spices, and the many small lamps and carpets in all sorts of bright colors look like something out ofOne Thousand and One Nights.
It would be the perfect romantic dinner. If I didn't have something weighing on my soul that I don't know how to say without destroying everything.
That's why our conversations on the way here, after ordering, and while waiting for the food, were mostly about my shop, which he had all sorts of questions about. I answered dutifully and asked counter-questions about his business, suspecting this was a way of feeling each other out. But there were also those glances, the small silent moments that weren't awkward, but so intense and full of unspoken promises of future, passionate touches that they immediately gave me goosebumps.
"Alex, I wanted to tell you something..." I begin suddenly, putting a spoonful in my mouth to gather my thoughts, feeling my heart pound wildly against my chest, because I know the moment has come. I can't put it off any longer. He has to know everything. About Ben and...
A cough takes hold of me, followed by an incredible burning in my mouth. I look down at my plate and realize I must have carelessly had the small red chili pepper on my spoon, because it's no longer there.
The burning gets stronger, sweat breaks out on my forehead, I focus on my breathing and reach for my water glass.
"Don't," Alex says. He has jumped up worriedly and is kneeling beside me. I look at him, uncomprehending.
"Water makes it worse. Have some bread," he says, holding out a torn piece of naan to me.
I nod, take a bite, and actually find that the heat in my mouth is gradually subsiding.
