Page 47 of Dirty Little Secret, Baby
"Whatever you say," Veronica says, and I can practically feel her X-ray vision on me.
Relieved, I find that Ben apparently did have a wonderful night. He's sleeping, just as Veronica said, breathing evenly, and it seems he only wanted to feed once last night. That's pretty good, and a huge weight is lifted from my heart that my little guy is doing so well. And yet, the pangs of guilt continue to gnaw at me.
"Thank you, Veronica," I say, hugging her when I come back into the living room.
"Don't mention it," she says with a wave of her hand. "Now, tell me: by the looks of it, things went well, didn't they? It's written all over your face what happened. Did he take the news about his child that well?" Veronica asks me.
"I... what do you mean, it's written all over my face?" I ask her, looking down at myself to check if there's anything incriminating on me.
"Your grin, Beth. That satisfied grin. Or should I say: thatsatedgrin?"
"Well... it's..." I pause, tilting my head. "Yeah, okay, we slept together." That word doesn't even begin to describe what we did last night.Doing-it-like-animalsis more like it, but my cheeks are already glowing as I confess what happened using the nicer turn of phrase.
"That's great. And what did he say about the baby before that?" Veronica asks, looking at me curiously.
"That's the thing... because actually... we didn't really talk about it and..." I trail off.
"You... you're telling me you had sex? All night? And he still doesn't know you have a child together?" Veronica asks, raising an eyebrow in disbelief.
"Something like that," I say, avoiding her gaze. I know how it sounds, and I'm ashamed of myself. That was so incredibly stupid. We look at each other in silence.
"I was going to tell him. But then he was standing in front of me and he suddenly kissed me and then..." I begin, somehow feeling like I have to justify myself to Veronica.
"...you had sex all night?" Veronica asks, finishing my sentence.
"Pretty much. I know it was wrong, but when I'm around him, it's like I can't control anything and..." I pause for a moment, "I did think about it for a second yesterday, after we were done showering. But how do you even say something like that?Hey, the sex was great. By the way, did you know we have a child together?You can't do that."
"You've got a point there," Veronica says thoughtfully, and I'm grateful she doesn't seem to be judging me.
"I know I made a mistake. It's not fair to you, either. You're sacrificing your free time, and instead of sorting my stuff out, I'm just..."
"Hey, easy there, sweetie. You don't have to apologize to me. Sure, I was a little surprised. But only because I didn't expect it. I'm not blaming you."
"I know. I'm blaming myself," I say, looking at the floor. "I have to tell him. I absolutely have to. Otherwise, this is all just going to get much, much worse."
"You have a point. Maybe no more movie nights next time, since that's exactly what it sounds like: a code word for sex?"
I have to grin at the way Veronica is looking at me as she says it. "Yeah, only official meetings from now on. Preferably somewhere public. Maybe going out to eat wasn't so bad after all, and we just had bad luck."
"You'll figure it out. I believe in you and..." she pauses, looks at me, and continues in a low voice. "I really hope you two have a future together. It seems like you definitely have a thing for each other."
"If only it were that simple and I hadn't hidden a major aspect of my life and turned myself into a single mother," I say, and as if on cue, a sound from Ben comes from the bedroom.
"I'll go to him," I say, gesturing toward the door.
"And I'd better get going. My shift is starting later."
"See you soon, and thanks," I say, giving Veronica a kiss on the cheek before heading to Ben.
***
Afternoon. Veronica has finished her shift and has just taken Ben for a stroll in his stroller to get some fresh air, while I work on the online orders that started piling up as soon as I signed back up for them. The great thing is, this time I configured my settings correctly: no special requests and only flower arrangements up to a value of $60. The limit prevents the confusing extra requests that caused so many problems last year.
I glance at my smartphone. No message from Alex. Nothing.
But why would there be? After all, I took off under suspicious circumstances and left him on the couch. In my mind's eye, I see his well-defined body with its muscles, his hard chest, and six-pack above me as he thrusts into me and comes deep inside me and...
"Ouch."
