Page 60 of Dirty Little Secret, Baby
But maybe I'm just seeing everything in a negative light today because the way the evening has unfolded is getting on my last nerve.
"Cutie?" I call out again, checking the utility room where she was last time, but she's not there either. Then I go back to the kitchen, open a beer, and notice an open window. Next to it is a tipped-over glass. Cutie? Did she escape through the window?
Sure, things like that can happen, especially with a new cat. But why today of all days, and who left the window open? It could only have been my assistant or someone from the kitchen staff.
Furious, I call my assistant.
"Sir, have you heard?" he asks me, his voice sounding quite distressed.
"About my cat? Just found out. Who left the window open in the kitchen?" I snap.
"Your cat? No. I mean the helicopter crash. It was just on Channel 8. Your private helicopter. Over an open field. The pilot was just picking it up from repairs. He's been taken to the hospital."
"Shit," I blurt out. As if enough hadn't happened today already.
Decency required that I, as his employer, check on my pilot. He has a family, after all, and it was my helicopter he crashed in.
"Where is he?" I ask, jotting down the name of the hospital. "And Eric? In the meantime, put up some missing posters for Cutie."
Chapter 27
Beth
Shortly after Alex left the shop
I watch Ben as he nurses at my breast, his eyes seeming to fixate on me. "We'll get through this, Ben. I promise you," I say quietly, stroking his warm little head and feeling a tear run down my cheek.
I'm ashamed to show such weakness in front of my little boy and Veronica, but I can't help it. My bottom lip trembles, and I feel a vast emptiness inside me, one that seems to have grown even larger than before Alex's visit to my shop.
"Why did he even come here?" I say quietly, whispering more to myself than to Veronica, who has been sitting silently beside me and Ben the whole time, just waiting and being there for me. Benhas since fallen asleep. I pull my breast from my little darling's mouth; a vacuum must have formed, because it lets out a little POP, and he just keeps sleeping with his mouth half-open. I have to grin for a second because the moment is so beautiful. Then the grief and guilt wash over me again, because right now I'm only thinking about myself and not so much about my little treasure.
"If he really only wanted the shop and wrapped you around his finger for it, and even made such a stupid bet, then..." Veronica begins, squeezing my hand tightly.
"I know, it's probably for the best," I say, swallowing the lump in my throat. "He left the second you arrived. He'll never accept me with a child, and he probably never would have if I'd been honest from the start. So I have only myself to blame for this mess."
"Don't think that way about yourself, sweetie."
"It's fine, I'm trying to look on the bright side," I say, feeling how hard it is as I wipe away my tears. "I'll never tell him Ben is his child, and in a way, I'm glad he doesn't know."
"Hmm," Veronica says, looking thoughtful. "Should we take Ben for a little walk? Some fresh air would probably do you good," she adds, changing the subject. I can sense that she might not be one hundred percent on my side. Does she think it would be better if he knew? But why? Is my own friend going to stab me in the back now, too?
No, I can't think like that. She's always there for me and does everything for me. We don't always have to agree. At least she'skeeping her opinion to herself and just wants to get my mind off things for now. That's exactly what friends are for. And a little fresh air probably would do me good, because the chaos in my head is truly awful.
"Good idea. I'll just give Petey some food, then I'll put Ben in the stroller and..." I begin as I stand up, walk to Petey's cage, and freeze mid-motion.
"Petey?" I whisper softly, frantically opening the cage door when I see the little ball of fur lying lifeless in a corner.Please, no. Please just be asleep,I think, yet I know that's not the case. Petey always slept in his little house. ALWAYS.
This time, he's lying in the opposite corner. Curled up. And not moving. I gently nudge him with my finger, trying to wake him. Nothing.
I repeat the process a few more times. The result is the same.
"Beth, what is it?" Veronica asks, and I realize she's standing behind me, trying to see around me.
"Oh God," I murmur, feeling my knees give way as I sink to the floor in front of the cage without answering her.
"Is he..." I hear Veronica ask cautiously. "Oh, no," she says then, when she realizes what's happened. She sinks to the floor beside me, puts her arm around me, says nothing, and is just there for me as a flood of grief and inner emptiness overwhelms me.
"He was sick, you said?" she asks after a few minutes of us just sitting there in silence.
