Page 64 of Dirty Little Secret, Baby
But this time, I know better. Even if I find it hard to resist his charm, I know it's only superficial. He only did it out of calculation. To get my shop. And now that the purchase seems hopeless, he's simply bought the buildings across the street and is going to build a shopping mall there, complete with a flower shop. He might seem charming, but he's actually ice-cold. Just as cold as he was a week ago, when he simply walked out of my shop.
"I did. I acquired the buildings. Just recently. But it was supposed to..." he begins, taking a step toward me, but I take a step of about the same size back.
"Fine, so you admit it? Just like that?" I ask, admittedly surprised. I tilt my head, feeling hurt by how calm he seems.
"I can't explain how you know about this, but it's not what you think, Beth."
"Oh, was it supposed to be another secret, like last time? And what is it that I think? What does it look like?" I ask, feeling that fiery anger seize my stomach again.
"I didn't commission that poster. It was supposed to remain a secret for a while longer. Because..." He pauses.
"Because?" I ask, feeling my heart pound wildly in my chest.
"Because there's not going to be a damn flower shop in there, and I was going to advertise your shop and have the numbers run to see how much more revenue it would bring you," it just bursts out of him.
Then silence falls between us. I try to process his words, because it's anything but logical. Is he just playing with me again? Does he think I don't know about the eviction notice from my landlord yet? Or does he really have nothing to do with it?
No, I can't and won't believe that. Time has shown that EVERYTHING has to do with Alex. Why else would my landlord give me notice, when he just stammered on the phone earlier when I asked if the ARS Group was the reason for my eviction.
He knew, and his hesitation and hurriedly hanging up was more of a confession than I could have hoped for.
"So you're telling me you're doing this out of the kindness of your heart?" I ask, trying to sound gentler, because I want to catch him in his lie.
"That's right, Beth. I don't want to hurt you. I just want you to be okay. You and your child."
When he mentions my child, our child, I stagger internally, because I know I also played a part in why things didn't work out between us. But does he really believe what he's saying?
"Either, my dear Alex...," I say, poking him in the chest with the tip of my index finger and chasing the images of wild nights from my head. "Either you have severe schizophrenia that needs to be treated urgently, or you don't have your company under control."
"What do you mean? What are you talking about?" he asks, looking helpless and furrowing his brow. This can't be happening. Is he sticking to his story and pretending he knows nothing about the eviction?
"Beth, I know a lot has happened. You may not believe me, but I don't understand why you're here making a scene. Maybe you should go back to your shop and your child and..."
"You got me evicted, damn it. I have to clear out of the shop in three months. Why should I go back there now?" I blurt out, because his sanctimonious, well-intentioned advice makes the anger inside me boil over. He's a liar to the bitter end, and I hate myself for not being able to resist those eyes.
"I did what?" he asks, looking at me with horror. But I don't buy his reaction. Rich men must have acting lessons, and he's just recalling the basics.
"Maybe dementia is part of it too. I don't know. I don't think I want to know, either. I just want YOU to know that I..." I pause,because when our eyes meet again, there's that brief moment when everything seems like it used to. As if the air around us is electrically charged. As if we could be anything we wanted.
But not in this life. Not in this universe. I avoid his gaze, stare into space, suppress the welling tears, and say the words I find so difficult: "I don't want to see you again. Ever."
Then I spin around, turn on my heel, and walk toward the door.
"Beth, please stay. I didn't commission the poster, and I didn't have you evicted. I don't know what's going on," I hear him call out.
I want to believe him, but I've already believed him too much and too often. If it really wasn't him, he should prove it.
But why would he? I just told him I never want to see him again.
Even though a part of me still longs for him, I know this is probably for the best.
For me.
And for Ben.
Right?
Chapter 30
