Page 40 of Keeping the Single Dad
“I think your son might be onto something.”
He chuckled at my teasing. I relaxed against him and a deep warm peace filled me. His strong profile was so confident and tall in the moonlight. Butterflies fluttered in my chest—half nerves, half excitement. What was this feeling? Like safety and fear at the same time. It was the point at the top of a roller coaster when the fear and thrill of the plummet could be rationalized by knowing the bar would hold me in the seat. Being close to him made me afraid, but I couldn’t ignore the deep sense in my gut that Alex was a good guy. The best I’d known. He wouldn’t hurt me on purpose. It didn’t mean that he wouldn’t hurt me. Sometimes, we hurt people without meaning to. It wasn’t as though Mum had ever wanted to say goodbye. She was taken from us. Claire’s voice rang in my head.
Who said life is fair?
“Everyone likes weddings. I don’t.”?
He twirled me in his arms and pulled me back into his embrace. “Why?”
“They always make me feel like a side character in someone else’s perfect life. Love is bullshit. It always ends in tears.”
He drew his lips in as we swayed together in silence. “Does it always?”
“Yes. There is always a goodbye, and that part hurts too much.” My heart pounded, and I tilted my face to his. “I’m not going to fall for you, if that’s what you’re thinking. You can show up here looking sexy in your kilt. You can keep wrapping me in your coat when I’m cold, and having that accent, and asking me to dance like this, but you should know I’m immune to your charms.”
He raised a bemused eyebrow, but stayed silent.
Laughter and frivolity drifted from the party. Alex was so different to the men I’d been with before. He was kind and considerate—always checking in with how I felt. Always offering me a lift somewhere. The sexual chemistry was amazing, but not the kind that came with a million red flags.
There was something refreshing about a man who was stable, and who wanted to take care of me. No one had done that before. Both of my parents had struggled in their own ways. None of it was their fault, but I’d always been more of a parent to them than the other way around. There was something so soothing about being able to relax with another person and knowing that he wanted to take care of me. Alex was safe and dependable. He was the kind of guy that would want to be in charge of the passports at the airport and bring you soup when you got sick. This felt safe…and right. Sudden tears burned my throat. No. It couldn’t be. I didn’t do this. There was no such thing as safe. I’d said I wouldn’t fall for him, I couldn’t lose myself like this.
But what if this is what I need?
A line appeared between Alex’s brows. “Did Sean Wallace do this to you?”
Ice filled my stomach. Did he know I’d told secrets to Karen Delaney? “What?”
“Is this why you have so many walls up? I heard the two of you…dated. Did Sean Wallace break your heart?”
I couldn’t help my indignant laugh. “Sean Wallace? No. And I wouldn’t date that arsehole in a million years."
“Then, what? What made you build all these defenses?”
An ache clutched my heart. A slew of memories drifted to mind.The curtain dancing in the breeze, but no sunlight. Birdsong ricocheting in my head. Mum’s pale face.
He swallowed. His voice was hoarse. “I have defenses, too. I’m scared to take a risk. I loved my wife with all my heart. I still love her, even though she isn’t here physically. The memories that we shared are always with me. Sometimes, I feel like I won’t ever be ready to start something new. It broke me when I lost her, but it doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth loving. I think this pain is the price you pay for love.” A faint smile graced his full lips. “If you don’t take risks with your heart, then you miss out on wonderful things. I’d never trade what I had with Evelyn while she was here. Just because you say goodbye, doesn’t mean love ends. The pain you feel is the love you shared. You keep it with you.”
How did he do that? How did he talk about his pain with such grace? It was so painful to talk about Mum. Nobody in our house dared speak her name.
I cleared my throat. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
We’d stopped dancing. Alex held me in his arms. His huge frame like a giant redwood, standing tall and firm. Strong. Protective. Caring.
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. Alex’s grace gave me strength. I wanted to tell him about Mum. About all the ways that life had wounded me over the years since we lost her, but the words wedged in my throat. My eyes burned with sudden tears.
No. I can’t do this.
“You can talk to me, Lana. You can trust me—"
I covered my mouth with his to shut him up. He held perfectly still, then his lips moved in response. His huge hand rested at the side of my neck. My heart sang as he kissed me. It was a kiss full of sweetness. Not the breathless, hungry devouring kind that I’d come to expect from him. His tongue glided against mine, and I drank in his gentleness. His solid, soothing presence grounded me.
I broke away from his mouth to whisper into his ear. “I want you to come home with me tonight. No strings. Just fun and done. Will you?”
“Aye, sweetheart.” He whispered against my lips. “I’ll give you anything you want.”
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Chapter 21
