Page 46 of Keeping the Single Dad
“I’m independent.” I wound my arms underneath his woolen sweater and around his back. “I don’t need a man to take care of me.”
“I know you don’t need it. It doesn’t mean I don’t like being there for you.”
I rested my head against his hard chest, tired but content. It had been a fun day. We’d played football outside together most of the afternoon. It had been difficult playing in Mel’s tight dress, but I’d kicked off her heels, and we’d still had fun. Alex had clowned around, letting Brodie kick a couple of balls past him into the net.
I shot him a teasing look. “You let that goal in earlier, didn’t you?’”
His rich laugh reverberated through his chest. “No. I’m too competitive for that. It was all you.”
The warmth of his arms was so male, so bracing. His tantalizing scent filled my nose. “There’s something about scoring against one of the best goalkeepers in the Premier League that turns me on.”
A flash of humor glinted in his eyes. His hands slipped up my bare arms. My skin tingled under his huge palms. “Oh, yeah?”
I dropped my hands to the button of his jeans. “Yeah.”
He grabbed my hands and held them still. A frown creased his brow. “Brodie hasn’t been sleeping well, lately.” He shot a wary glance toward the kitchen door. “We could watch a movie together?” His lips pulled into an uncertain smile. “Is that okay? It doesn’t feel right when Brodie is upstairs. I can drop you home if you prefer…?”
A warm glow lit inside my chest. It wasn’t what I’d been hoping to get up to tonight but snuggling up on the couch with Alex’s huge arms around me sounded pretty good.
“Do you have popcorn?”
“Of course.”
“Then, I’ll stay.”
“Good.” He pressed his face into my neck and murmured, “I don’t think this could have gone any better.”
His lips seared over my skin as he planted kisses up my neck and his lips found mine. My body molded to the contours of his. Fine, so we couldn’t have sex but kissing was still good. Alex was an incredible kisser. He kissed the same way he did everything— with intensity but care and purpose. My heart hammered wildly, and he tightened his grip around me. A moan escaped my lips as his mouth returned to my neck, peppering a series of hot, shivery kisses. My head fell back and I raked my hands through his soft hair.?
“Daddy?”
Alex couldn’t have sprang away from me faster if I’d spontaneously burst into flames. Brodie stood in the hallway, blinking and rubbing sleep from his eyes. His tired gaze swept between us and he frowned. A grim serious expression darkened Alex’s handsome face and he smoothed his smile into something neutral. For a moment he'd looked horrified. My stomach soured. Was it so bad that Brodie had caught us? Why was it so terrible? Ice laced my stomach. Alex would never be okay with things getting any more serious between us, would he? Not that I wanted that. This was fun and done.
I liked Alex a lot, but how did you pick one partner and stick with them? How could you be sure there wouldn’t be a better shag just around the corner? My chest tightened. That was the thing with Alex. I knew there wasn’t a better shag around the corner. Alex was the best I’d had, and for once it wasn’t the action in the bedroom that was the biggest deal. I liked being with him. I loved the way he made me feel safe and cared for. He was so mature and wise. In fact, it made perfect sense that you’d pick one partner and stick with them, if that person was Alex.
What if we wanted to keep this going? We couldn’t sneak around and hide it from Brodie forever, but that look on Alex’s face had told me everything. He’d never be okay with this. Of course his son would always come first, but did that mean he’d never want to date anyone? Or just me?
“Couldn’t sleep, pal? Come on. Let’s get you back to bed. We can read more Matilda…"
Brodie twisted in Alex’s arms. He smiled shyly and held out his hand to me. “Can Lana read to me?”
?
Chapter 25
Alexander
SoftgreenlightfromBrodie’s nightlight spilled through the open door of his bedroom out onto the landing. I crept, as quietly as I could, to peer inside. Brodie lay snuggled in Lana’s arms in his small bed. They were both fast asleep and snoring softly. The book was still in Lana’s loose grip on her lap. I crossed the room to wake Lana, but something stopped me. I couldn’t help but take a moment to study them when both of their faces were smooth and relaxed by sleep.
In the dim light, Lana’s beautiful face was both delicate and strong. She’d been so nervous about being around the kids in the school and meeting Brodie, when she had no reason to be. Lana had a charm and warmth about her that couldn’t be faked. Kids saw straight through adults to the truth of a person. They all loved Lana.
I pulled the duvet over the pair of them. I couldn’t wake Lana when she looked so peaceful. Instead, I sank down to sit on the other side of the room on the floor with my back against the bookcase. The dark stillness of Brodie’s bedroom wrapped around me. Soft light painted the toys that lined the shelf. The rows of teddies and action figures watched me as though willing me to answer questions I wasn’t prepared to think about.
A permanent ache had taken root in my chest ever since I’d lost Evelyn. Nothing could ever soothe it or make it better. I’d loved my wife with every fiber of my being. I’d always carry her with me. There was no such thing as moving on. There was just learning to live with loss because life went on whether or not you wanted it to. At the start, I hadn’t wanted it to, but I’d kept going for Brodie.
For the first time in a long time, a warmth lit in my chest that I’d thought long extinguished. I’d never wanted to fall in love again. Evelyn had been the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. She’d been my world. Loving another person after such a deep love had always seemed impossible, but loving again didn’t mean I didn’t still love Evelyn and carry her with me. I always would. Maybe my sister was right. My heart was big enough to love again without sidelining the love I’d felt for Evelyn. Maybe there was room for all of it.
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Brodie wrapped in Lana’s arms. A thread of a whole new future spun out ahead of me, gauzy and wispy. If I reached to grab it, it could so easily fray and disappear. I didn’t dare imagine it. What if this is how it could be between us? Could this woman love us like this? Would she take us both? She’d have to. We came as a package deal. Me and Brodie. How could a twenty-two-year-old woman accept that? Lana was wise beyond her years, but it was asking too much. She had her whole life ahead of her. I couldn’t saddle her down.
