Page 53 of Keeping the Single Dad
A pause. “You might feel differently once you have the result in your hand. I didn’t think I’d ever be ready to be a father. Being a parent is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it’s also the best. Sometimes, it drives me up the wall, but Brodie is my world. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. There are…options. I’m here, whatever you want to do.”
My heart pounded. Alex might have loved being a parent, but it wasn’t something I’d imagined for myself. Not anytime soon. My hands felt clammy on the plastic stick.?
“Have you done it yet?”?
“Not yet.”?
A sudden rush of emotion went through me. Alex was still here. He’d driven me from training to the pharmacy and back to my apartment. It was strange to have someone with me. I was so used to doing everything alone. I moved to the door. The wood was cool against my cheek.?
“You should know that I haven’t been with anyone, but you.”
He could walk away.?A pause. My heart pounded.?
“Okay, sweetheart.”?
I took a breath. This had to be done. Alex would help me. The sooner we knew, the better. I moved to the toilet and pulled down my leggings and knickers. A flash of red against white cotton caught my eye. My period.?Relief washed over me at the same time as my stomach sank.
I put the pregnancy test stick on the side of the bathtub with a gentle click. A cramp gripped my belly. For a moment, my imaginary future life had split like a river forked in two and carved out an entirely different and unexpected channel. If this test had been positive, how would this afternoon have played out? If I’d decided to keep the baby, Alex would have been in my life forever. No doubt he would have been a wonderful father to our child. He was so good with kids. Would we have given a relationship a shot? Maybe we would have tried for the sake of the child. That would have meant inheriting an entire family in one fell swoop. Could I be a stepmum to Brodie?
“You’ve gone quiet. Is everything okay?”
I adjusted my smile and swung the door open. “It was a false alarm.”
A swift shadow of some indefinable emotion flickered in Alex’s whisky eyes. “That must be a relief.”
I nodded, but the pit of my stomach churned. “It is. Such a relief.”
I found myself studying his dark profile on the silent landing. This could have been so different. Everything could have changed for us in this one moment. My stomach cramped again. I couldn’t help my wince.
Lightly, he fingered a loose tendril of hair on my cheek. “Are you okay?”
“Just cramps.”
Alex opened his arms to me. I pressed myself into him. Heat emanated from his solid chest, and the faint clean scent of his aftershave filled my nose. “Come on. Let’s get you a hot water bottle and a cup of tea. Everything is more manageable with a cup of tea.”
Chapter 29
Alexander
Lana’seyeslockedwithmine as she peeled out of her football kit. She bent over the massage table, waiting for me. Anticipation made my heart race.
“Do you like the view, Big Mac? Are you just going to watch or are you going to—”
“Daddy. Daddy!”
Brodie’s terrified scream pulled me from my filthy dream. I stumbled blindly down the landing in darkness to his bedroom. The nightlight painted Brodie’s slight frame in an eerie glow. He sat up in his narrow bed, wide eyed and trembling. He held the duvet tight under his chin.
I dropped next to him. “You okay, pal? Another nightmare?”
He nodded. I held the back of my hand against his cool forehead. That was a relief at least. There was nothing worse than a sudden fever in the middle of the night. These were the parenting bits that were the most difficult alone: the fever at 2 AM in the morning, the tears after school over a broken friendship, the rash that might mean something terrible. All the decisions came down to me and me alone. Evelyn had always known what to do. When Brodie was in distress, she could comfort him with a soft word and a cuddle. I tried to do the same, but how could it ever be enough? Sometimes, I was flailing in the dark trying to guess what to do next. Actually, not sometimes. All the time.
Brodie’s wide eyes locked with mine. “Will you stay with me, Daddy?”
“Of course I will.”
He threw back his duvet and patted the cool space next to him. I lay down on my side, twisted and cramped, with my legs hanging off the tiny bed. Pain seared the length of my spine. Whenever we fell asleep like this, I always woke up with a backache. Brodie snuggled into me, and I pulled him tight, savoring his warmth and the soft brush of his hair on my cheek. The faint strawberry tang of his shampoo wafted to my nose.
Sleep thickened his voice. “What did you do today, Daddy?”
