Page 56 of Keeping the Single Dad
She flattened her lips and packed her briefcase. “Take care of yourself, Lana. I’ll see you again soon.”
Panic seized me. I grabbed her wrist. She flinched and pursed her lips. I dropped her arm.
“Are we done? Are you printing the story on Sean? What about my dad?”
She turned on her heel without a word.
Chapter 31
Lana
Melbusiedherselfrestockingthe fridge. Dad sat at the table watching her. Dark circles ringed his eyes, and a vape dangled from his mouth. The sickly fruity scent of the steam seared my nose, but at least it wasn’t a cigarette, and at least it wasn’t alcohol.
I slid into the chair opposite him at the small foldout table. “How are you doing?”
He flashed a weak smile and hitched a shoulder. “I’m fine.”
I scanned the neat kitchen. In silence, Mel moved from the fridge to the sink.
“Can I do anything to help?”
Mel kept her back to me at the sink. “I’ve got it under control.”
A heavy silence wound around us. The ticking clock that hung on the yellowed wall grew deafeningly loud. This is how it went with us. Sometimes grief brought people together, but for us it had driven in a wedge of pain and silence. Nobody wanted to talk about Mum. We’d walked our own lonely paths, until so much had been left unsaid that it was impossible to start talking.
Dad leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes as steam from his vape poured out of his nose. My throat felt tight. I wanted to talk the way Alex and Brodie talked. I wanted the pictures of Mum on the walls, the way Alex had his wife so lovingly displayed. Mum had been here whether anybody wanted to talk about her or not. We couldn’t erase her existence. She’d been the beating heart of this family. I couldn’t keep pretending that the wounds weren’t still open and bleeding.
I exhaled with agitation. “You’ve done a good job tidying, Mel. You must have inherited Mum’s cleaning genes. I don’t think I did.”??
Mel grunted and kept wiping the counter. Dad sat still, his eyes narrow. A heavy ball ground in my chest, but I’d started this thing now so I wouldn’t stop.
“I remember in the old house, when I was little she used to let me stand on the upright hoover and she’d hoover with me on it pretending we were on a ride. I used to love that. Do you remember the time when—”
“We’ve run out of washing up liquid again.” Mel turned stiffly away from the sink. Her eyes were cold, and her expression was tight with strain. “If you want to be helpful, then go get some.”
My stomach dropped. Mel was always the same. Why did I even bother? My hands balled into fists and I stood. Fine. Mel could send me on a pointless errand because she couldn’t do the decent thing and talk to me. Where did she get off being like this?
“Eleven years.” Dad’s hoarse voice startled me.
My body froze in surprise. Dad nodded woodenly and put the vape on the table. His gray eyebrows slanted in a frown and his eyes took on a dim, faraway look. “I was walking around Sainsbury’s and they were playing a song...Your mother’s favorite…Something snapped in me…” He rubbed his chest as if it ached.
Mel planted her hands on his shoulders. “Stop, Dad. Don’t upset yourself like this.”
“No. Let him talk if he wants to.”
Dad shot me a grateful glance and patted Mel’s hand. She snatched her hands away and retreated to stand by the sink.
He drew a shaky breath and continued, “I left the shopping cart in the aisle and walked out of the door. I meant to go to my car, but I found myself in the pub. It was like I’d sleepwalked there.” Dad raked a trembling hand over his grizzled face. “I want to be better. It’s so hard…It won’t happen again. I’m determined this time. I’m keeping up with the therapy. The guy says I need to keep talking. I need to talk about her, I think…’
I covered his hand with mine. “That’s good. Talking is good.”
Silence wrapped around us. My heart hurt, but this was positive. Dad was talking about why he’d relapsed. We’d learned enough from AA to know that was the important part. You had to understand the trigger.
A tear slipped down his cheek. “It was my fault, you know. I didn’t treat her right. I loved your mother so much.”
I dashed to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. “It wasn’t your fault. She loved you too, I know she did. We love you as—”
“Look what you’ve done.” Mel’s voice hardened ruthlessly. “You’ve upset him now.”
