Page 56 of Playing for Possession
I longed to drag her onto my lap and kiss her, but I wouldn’t rush this. This was a game of two halves. Joanie hadn’t much appreciated me in the first half, but she was warming to me now, and it wasn’t over. This had to be at her pace. I wanted to make this work when we got home. I wanted her in my life for the long term. Not just a few days on vacation.
She exhaled a long breath. “I’m not an easy person either. I’ve been so miserable since the injury. I have all this anxiety all the time. This constant churning in my gut. It’s only going to get worse in the buildup to the first game of the season. You don’t want me like this.”
No. I couldn’t hear her talking badly about herself. An ACL tear was enough to make some people quit, and that was understandable. She’d fought to come back. I’d seen her working every day in that gym.
I got out of my chair and dropped to my knees at her feet. “I want you exactly like this, and you are such an easy person to be around. You’re funny and smart and pretty and kind. It doesn’t matter that you’ve been miserable or that you’re scared. Anyone would be.” I lifted her hand to my lips and kissed it. “These are all just streaks in the sunrise. They appear and then they fade. Nothing lasts forever. ACL tears heal. You keep fighting.”
She placed her hand on my cheek, tenderly, and I closed my eyes, leaning into her gentleness. If she’d let me, I’d take her to the old town today and spoil her. We’d amble around cobbled streets and maybe take a tour on a glass-bottom boat. I’d seen a lovely little restaurant in the guidebook that served the catch of the day. Then back here tonight for sunset. I’d make the next couple of days as fun as I could. Joanie had been through a rough time lately, and while it was in my power to put a smile on her face, I would. I opened my eyes to see her peering at me in fascination.
“Whatever you think about me, let me show you I can be good for you.” I took both her hands in mine. “I’m not all bad. I can be a good boy, I promise. Are you going to give me a chance? Can you forget about what you think is going to happen and keep an open mind?”
She raked her hand over my hair and tilted my chin so I’d look up at her. Her expression filled with amused wonder. “You want to be a good boy?”
“Yes, but only for you. Fuck everyone else.”
Sunlight illuminated her face, and the smile that touched her lips took my breath away. “You’ve always been good. You don’t have to prove anything to me.”
I wrapped my arms around Joanie’s waist as she gathered the coffee mugs. She twisted and met my lips with a sweet, drugging kiss that soon turned passionate and breathless. I slid my hands under her pajama top, desperate to palm her beautiful breasts again. I whispered in her ear, “Why don’t you go back to bed. I’m going to pop out to the pharmacy.”
“The pharmacy?”
“No glove, remember?”
She took a sharp breath and stepped back. “Oh... actually... you don’t have to.” Her eyes slipped away. “I don’t think I want to do... that again.”
She’d said she wanted to give me a chance. Had I misunderstood? “You don’t? Never again?”
A small smile touched her lips. “Not never again. I just don’t know when. I’m a little sore right now.”
Shit. I should have taken things slower. She’d felt so fucking amazing, it had been difficult to hold back. I took both her hands in mine. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize.” She kept her voice breezy but she wouldn’t look at me. “That was actually the first time I’ve done that.”
Confusion made my brain reel.What?My words slipped out without thinking. “How can it be? What about the list?”
She frowned. “The list?”
I couldn’t lie to her face. “Look, I’m sorry. I saw your list. I didn’t mean to. It was on the dressing table when I was looking for you. You had rebound sex on there, so I just assumed there had been someone else before...”
She froze. Panic rioted behind her sensible spectacles, and scarlet stained her cheeks. She threw her hands up to cover her face. “No,” she breathed. “You saw that?”
“It was an accident. I shouldn’t have.”
Her expression turned from panic to horror. She set off, pacing, with her hands pressed to her face—quick, frantic steps and turns that reverberated across the small stone courtyard.
“I’m sorry. It was there in plain sight. I saw my name, and I couldn’t—”
“You couldn’t help yourself.” Her breath came in sharp bursts. “I didn’t write any of that. You have to believe me. None of that sex stuff. It was one of my teammates. I promise I didn’t write it. That’s not me at all.”
I stepped in front of her. “Please stop.”
She tried to dodge around me, but I caught her elbow, holding her still. “It’s OK. I don’t care if you wrote it. I’d never judge you for anything like that. Not one bit.”
She peered at me through the gaps in her fingers. Her voice was a shaky whisper. “I’m so embarrassed.”
I stepped closer. I wanted to pull her into my arms but I couldn’t be sure that she’d welcome it. Instead, I gently peeled herfingers away from her face, and stroked my thumb across her cheek. “Just breathe. It’s OK. It’s fine.”
She drew a shaky breath, and her words came out in a fumbling stream. “Last night was my first time. I wanted to wait until it felt right, and I didn’t know whether to tell you in case it freaked you out. This is not a big deal to me. It’s not like I’ve been holding off until I get married or anything like that. This doesn’t mean you have any obligation toward me. It’s never felt right before, and I didn’t want to force it.”
