Page 57 of Playing for Possession
“It felt right with me?”
“You made me feel... safe, I guess.” She shrugged and her eyes slipped away. “I’ve never felt like that before with anyone.”
How to process that? Honored probably wasn’t the right word, but itwasan honor. Joanie could play it down if she wanted, but first times mattered, because you remembered them. And I did have an obligation. She’d put her trust in me. She’d given me a gift that I was unworthy of, but I wanted to work hard to repay it. To show her she’d made the right decision about me. I wanted to be a good man because Joanie looked at me like this, with all this warmth radiating out of her like sunshine, and she deserved the world.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Would you have wanted me if I’d told you?”
The vulnerability in her voice made me ache behind my rib cage. I hesitated for too long, but it wasn’t a straightforward answer. It would have felt a lot heavier. I definitely wouldn’t have railed her over a balcony like a fucking jackhammer. It had been so long since I’d had sex, and this woman had made me crazy. She’d felt so good that I’d barely been able to contain myself. That wasn’t how a first time should be. I would have taken my time and been gentle. Guilt made my shoulders heavy.
“You should have told me. I would have made it special.”
“Special? In what way?” Her lips curved in a smile that betrayed her curiosity. “Rose petals and satin sheets?”
“If that’s what you’d wanted.”
A mix of wonder and surprise flashed in her eyes. “Really?”
“Really.”
I meant it. If she’d given me the chance, I would have done everything differently. She deserved better than what I’d given her last night.
“Then I’m glad I didn’t tell you. I wouldn’t have wanted you to do anything differently.” She fiddled with her pajama top. “I’m not experienced, but I wanted it... you... I wanted you, and I don’t regret it. I don’t want you to feel pressured that you have to give me some amazing first-time experience.”
I hesitated, still bewildered by this new information. I had no idea what I’d done to be worthy of her trust, but now that I had it, I’d do anything to keep it. “It should have been better. Did I hurt you? I’m sorry if I did.”
“No. It was perfect.”
Good thing. My shoulders relaxed a little. I couldn’t stand the idea that I’d hurt her.
“Wild, and horny enough to tick off the list?”
She cringed but a faint smile trembled over her lips. “Yes.”
“What about all the other things you have on that list?”
She fiddled with the thin gold chain around her neck. “I told you. I didn’t write that list.”
“I know, but are those things you want to try, or...? Because I could help you. If you wanted help with any of that.”
She blew out a breath and took a step back. “I didn’t write the list.”
Time to drop it. “Of course. Right. I get it.”
Awkwardly, she cleared her throat. Her voice wavered with uncertainty. “I didn’t write it, but...”
“But?”
She lifted her chin, meeting my gaze. “I might be open to some help with it.”
My pulse pounded. This woman had never looked more beautiful. “Oh.”
I watched her throat bob as she swallowed. Her guilty eyes dropped to my lips. “If you wouldn’t mind?”
If I wouldn’t mind? Like I wouldn’t kill for the opportunity. “I’d be honored.”
The smile that stretched her pretty lips was the most radiant thing I’d ever seen.
