Page 91 of Playing for Possession
“I’m scared when I realize how much I discount myself before I even try. That one day I’m going to push Rob too far, and he’ll give up on me. I know I cause him trouble, but most of the time I feel like I’m destined to fail, so why even try? Men like me don’t get good things.”
“What do you mean? A man like you?”
He shrugged. The resignation in his expression made my heart ache.
“I see a good man.” I dropped down next to him and took his hand. “I see a great man.”
“We both know I don’t deserve you.”
“I don’t even know what that means. Of course you do.”
I glanced at the clock. I had to go. This wasn’t the time. Soon, I’d be getting up and getting ready to play. I couldn’t do it without sleep. “You are so worthy, Kieran. You’ve earned everything you have, and you deserve it.” I cupped his cheek with my palm. “Now you have to stop fighting yourself.”
He leaned into my hand and swallowed. “You need to go. You’re going to smash it on that pitch tomorrow. I’ll be rooting for you.”
Thank you. I love you. I want to give this another chance.None of it seemed like enough.Be honest. Speak your mind.I opened my mouth, but the words got lodged.
I cleared my throat. “Will you come tomorrow?”
“It’s your moment. I don’t want to put you off. Unless you want me to be there?”
“Yes. I want you to be there.”I always want you to be there.
Chapter 41
Joanie
I watched the second half unfold from the bench. Frustration gripped me. If Claire didn’t put me on soon, I wouldn’t get a chance to play. I glanced up at the executive box. Dad would be up there. Maybe Kieran, too. A little piece of his swagger on the pitch wouldn’t go amiss right now. My heart raced and my body thrummed with nerves, but I had a choice. I could let fear run my life, or I could be brave. If Claire gave me the chance, I needed to get on that pitch today.
The women next to me had their heads bowed together, muttering. Snippets of conversation drifted on the wind. They weren’t happy with the ref. It was a strong opposition. They were chasing us down like dogs. We were drawing at two goals each but clinging on with our fingertips. I resisted attempts to drag me into the conversation.
My guts were churning. Excruciating to sit this one out when I felt ready for the first time. All this anticipation for nothing. I slumped with my head in my hands.
“Joanie. You’re on.”
What? I lifted my head to see Claire looming over me. On the pitch, two medics escorted a limping Miri off.
Gabe put his arm around his wife’s waist as she reached the sideline. “OK?”
“Don’t look so worried, Rivers.” She smiled at him as he guided her to sit. “Just a hit to the ankle. It will be fine.”
“Move it, Joanie,” Claire barked.
Fear threaded through the middle of me as though it ran along my spine. I wanted to pull it out with one sharp tug, like a bird plucking a worm from the ground, but that apprehension held me trembling and stuck.
An official held up my number.Really?This was happening.
Claire’s gaze sharpened. “Joanie? You got this?”
A sudden rush of adrenaline went through me. It was now or never. Sometimes terrible things happened. Sometimes you launched in the air for a kick and you fell on your face. But you only failed if you didn’t get up again. This was my chance to prove myself. This is how I showed the world that I was on this team, and I deserved to be here. Not because I had a famous father, but because I’d worked my butt off for years. Some moments in life deserved to be fully embraced.
I leaped off the bench. Claire clamped a restraining hand on my arm. She spoke in a clear, firm voice. “We’ve got ten minutes left, and this game is getting away from us. You’re going to sit in midfield and be ready to receive. As soon as you get a touch on that ball, pass it back, forward, or sideways, I don’t care, but keep control of it for ten minutes. They’ll get annoyed and lose shape. As soon as they do, we’ll push forward for the win. Got it?”
“Got it.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes.”
