Page 13 of Playing for Possession
“Sex outdoors?” Lana tapped her pen on my leg impatiently.
I shook my head. “No, but—”
“On a plane?”
“No.”
“On a beach?”
“No.”
“Multiple orgasms?”
“I . . . I don’t know.”
“That’s a no. You’d know if you’d had multiples.” She paused with her pen, hovering over the page. “You’ve got a decent vibrator, right? Because if not, that needs to be number one.”
Skylar’s eyes were scolding, but she couldn’t keep the trace of laughter from her voice. “What is wrong with you? Why is it all sex stuff?”
“Because it’s a fuck-it list. We can do yours next if you like?” Lana twisted to survey her friend and drew her lips in thoughtfully. “Although, you’ve been bright-eyed and bushy-tailed since the honeymoon. I bet there isn’t much uncharted territory left on your list.”
Skylar’s cheeks pinked. “You need to get back on that pitch.”
Lana chuckled. “Yup. That’s what I thought.” She twisted back to me. “69?”
Oh my gosh. Please stop. I will pay you to stop.I forced a laugh, but it held an edge of hysteria. “No.”
Lana scribbled the items, filling the page. “See, this is the fuck-it list you need. Find a willing volunteer in Menorca and you can tackle all these. Granny Vera would have approved.”
Claire drifted closer and tossed us a withering look. My mouth went dry.
Lana ripped the paper out of the notepad and thrust it into my hands. “To be continued.”
OK, but let’s never continue this.
Lana flashed me a wave and a disarming smile as she headed to rejoin training. “I enjoyed that. Writing other people’s fuck-it lists might be my calling in life.”
I looked up to find Skylar watching me. Her tone softened. “There was nothing wrong with your original list. Lana’s just trying to help. We both are. It will be OK, you know... the commercial, coming back to play, everything.” She squeezed my hand. “Just try to stay positive.”
“That’s what my dad always says.”
Skylar nodded, although she’d turned her attention back to the pitch. I folded the list, shoved it in my jacket pocket, and hoped I never had to look at it, or speak or even think about it, ever again.
Chapter 6
Joanie
The gym at the football club used to be my second home. Now it was another planet. Racks of shiny silver free weights sat where there should have been cable machines. The treadmills faced the wall instead of their natural home overlooking the training pitches. It was disorientating, like when they alter the layout at Sainsbury’s and force you to spend an hour wandering the aisles searching for a tin of chopped tomatoes.
I lowered myself tentatively onto a bench in the strength-conditioning area and scrolled my playlist, hovering over workout songs. None of them were right anymore. Everything was too upbeat and sparky. This playlist was the music version of all the new posters that littered the walls, goading me.The body achieves what the brain believes. No pain no gain. Strong begins now.
I’d been strong once. I’d never been the smartest in class or the prettiest or the most popular, but I was always the fastest. It only took a moment for the universe to show me I wasn’t invincible. The posters don’t tell you that.Humans are fragile.What doesn’t kill you is going to ruin your life for the foreseeable future. Pain begins now.
The radio drifted from where Derek sat at the concierge desk. No one else trained this late. Getting back into a routine now the physios had signed me off to train alone was tough enough without having my teammates watching me. Not that they weren’t supportive or sympathetic. They were. It was just easier to be alone. I didn’t have to walk the tightrope of trying not to meet people’s expectations about me.
Lying back to lift, I glimpsed myself in the silver glass that lined the wall. The girl in the mirror looked like me, but mirror girl had those dark circles under her eyes and that sad, pinched expression. Mirror girl was a ghost of someone who had lived in this gym before they put up the stupid posters and evicted the rowing machines to Studio Two.
I had a sudden urge to throw my phone with its stupid playlist against the wall. Maybe this was too soon, but if not now, when? I’d have to leave to do the commercial in a couple of days and that would mean less time at the gym. I had to stick to the physio program.
