Page 29 of Playing for Possession
Kieran deposited my case on the bed. I unzipped it and flipped the lid. The sooner I unpacked, the sooner I could explore. We had one down day before filming, and I needed a dip in the pool.
Kieran retreated to the doorway. “I’ll go to the minimarket and pick up some lunch.”
I dug into the case for my swimsuit. “I can help you with that.”
“I’ve got it. You settle in.”
He disappeared out of the room. I deposited my wash bag in the adjoining en suite and pulled out the first neat pile of T-shirts. A flash of silver caught my eye, and my sleek bullet vibrator slipped out of the sundress I’d wrapped it in. I gave it a quick click to make sure it was still working. It gave a satisfying little buzz in my palm.
Kieran popped his head back around the door. “Actually, I might try to get something delivered.”
A strangled gasp left my lips. I threw the bullet back into the case and slammed the lid. My face and neck were so hot, I couldn’t look at him.Be cool. He can’t possibly know what it is. It looks like a lipstick. But it had buzzed! Had he heard the buzz?
I held the case closed, my palms pressed flat as if it might start talking and spill more of my embarrassing secrets. “Fine. Whatever you like.”
He rocked back on his heels. “Tea?”
“Tea?”
“I never travel without a box of Yorkshire tea.”
I tried to switch my brain back into gear despite my embarrassment. He couldn’t have seen it. If I could just stop acting so weird, I’d probably get away with it. “Yes. Please.”
His tone was level. “I always miss a proper cup of tea.”
“Right. Me too.”
“Good.”
“Good.”
“I’ll leave you to unpack. Don’t worry if you need some... extra time to yourself.” His gaze fell on my case and his lips moved subtly. Not quite a smirk, but almost. “I can wait.”
With my case unpacked, I hung my jacket on the back of the bedroom door. On impulse, I fished the folded fuck-it list out of the pocket. I’d told Skylar a few items to humor her, but they weren’t really the things I wanted to do. WhatdidI want to do? Since the injury, I’d been in survival mode.
For months, I’d worked on the treadmill at the gym to rebuild my strength, but life had become a treadmill too. Every day was the same. The admission I’d made to the lady in the hospital had given me a sharp lump in my throat. The truth was painfully stark. I’d lost myself. Maybe I’d never even known myself in the first place. I didn’t know how to bemeanymore.
What did I do for fun? There was football, but that had been taken away from me. Who was I without football? Mortimer Fox’s daughter? Everyone had assumptions about Mortimer Fox’s daughter, but which of them were true? I’d spent so much time focused on how Ishouldbe and none on what Iwantedto be.
I crossed out crochet and violin, and stared at the piece of paper. My head emptied. I rubbed my temples as if I could massage away the confusion. Seriously? Not one idea? I had a brain that had elevated overthinking to an art form, but it couldn’t give me one useful snippet? My fingers itched to ball this piece of paper up and throw it in the bin. I dropped the pen onto the desk with a clatter. How could I live my life to the fullest? Not all those sexy things that Lana had put on here, and not the things I thought might please other people, but the things for me.
Why was this so hard? I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting the overwhelming wave of frustration. Maybe it didn’t have to be big things. I took a breath and steadied myself.Animals.I liked animals. Ollie had done a zookeeper experience day once, and I’d regretted that I hadn’t gone with him. It was a simple thing, but I’d enjoy it. It could be a starting point. Volunteering? I’d been involved in the club outreach program in the past, but I’d stopped going after the injury. It had always felt satisfying to help others.
A flicker of excitement went through me as another idea percolated. Sometimes, my sister went on her own to the cinema or for dinner at a fancy restaurant. I’d always admired her for that. What would it be like to put on a beautiful dress, paint my lips bright red, and go out for a meal, solo? It would take a confidence I couldn’t imagine. Still, I wanted to be that person. These were small things, but maybe that’s how this thing would have to start. The path back to Joanie Fox could be small steps, not giant leaps. It didn’t matter, as long as I was moving forward. I picked up my pen and started to write.
Chapter 14
Kieran
A garlic and herb aroma wafted around the small kitchen. I cooked, and Joanie sat with her feet up on the couch in the adjoining living area. It was too warm to light a fire in the rustic stone hearth, but Joanie had lit a few citronella candles. She was deep in concentration, her head buried in a book. Strands of gold fell loose from her ponytail, framing her pretty face.
It was strange to share a living space again. Jack still lived at home with Mum. I stirred the tomato sauce into the pasta. It wasn’t an extravagant meal. No doubt Joanie would be accustomed to better, but I’d been cooking for one for so long.
“Dinner is served,” I called.
Joanie rested her book on her lap, lifted her glasses, and rubbed her right eye. Instead of taking a seat at the dining table, she peered outside at the courtyard.
“It’s still warm...” She bit her lip. “Do you fancy eating outside?”
