Page 63 of Playing for Possession
“It was this silly comment he made, but it hurt. My dad is a little off the wall sometimes. He’s a genius, really, but he speaks without thinking. He said if the family was a band, I’d be percussion. I’m just there ticking along in the background, keeping it all in line while everyone else is a star. I get it. Everyone in my family is cool, and I’m—”
“You’re a star, Joanie.”
She gave an embarrassed laugh.
I tilted her face to mine. “I mean it. You’re amazing. Some people would quit after an injury like yours. You might not feel confident, but I know what it takes to come back after somethinglike that. You’re a star just as you are, and even if you were percussion, so what?”
“Percussion is boring. What he’s really saying is that I’m too quiet. I don’t know... I’ve never felt worthy of Dad’s attention. Dad loves men’s football, but he’s never cared about me playing. It’s not exciting enough for him.I’mnot exciting or cool enough. I’m too quiet. I don’t fit in with my family.”
I twirled a strand of her soft golden hair between my fingers. “The world has enough talkers. It needs more listeners. I meet so many people in love with their own voice, but that’s not you. When you talk, it’s because you have something to say. You’re not full of bullshit. You’re funny and you’re smart. Who cares about being cool? Doesn’t everyone get to a point where they realize that there’s nothing cooler than not giving a fuck about being cool? You’re just Joanie.”
The gentle whirr of the ceiling fan drifted into the silence. She sighed and stared up at the rotating blades.
“I can’t believe I’m here in this bed with you. You were so intimidating when I first met you.”
“I want to be someone you can count on.”
She gave me an earnest look. “You do?”
“Yes. I really do.”
She rested her head back on my chest. This woman was so under my skin. I wanted to take care of her, to make this a good experience with her, to protect her. This wasn’t just fucking. If only it was, because sex wasn’t complicated. Whatever this was, it felt like it could get complicated. We’d have to go home soon, whether or not we wanted to.
I’d meet with Mortimer as soon as we got home. I’d explain to him this was real for me. That I wasn’t any of the shitty things that he thought about me and that I’d never hurt his daughter. If I washonest with him, then he’d see the truth. I’d make him see sense. This thing with Joanie mattered too much. I couldn’t let her go.
I traced the bumps of her spine with my fingertips. “If you’re percussion, I want to be your groupie.” I flipped her onto her back and buried my face between her breasts. I couldn’t wait to suck on these perfect pretty nipples later while she rode me slow and steady, but this was nice too. Just talking and being close. “But I’m your only groupie. I’m not sharing you with the other fans. You can only shake your tambourine for me.”
She chuckled. “Fine with me. F-word the fans. They’ll get over it.”
A ripple of amusement went through me. The sunlight fell over her hair and she looked angelic.Fuck. What was this feeling? Falling in love or a well-timed counterattack? I’d got through her defensive line, but it was no victory, because she’d broken away and demolished mine before I’d even grasped what had hit me.
It couldn’t be love. We hadn’t known each other long enough. Love made you too vulnerable. Life was cruel and unpredictable. One day you had a dad who you loved and the next they walked out of the door and you never saw them again. Still, I couldn’t stop this warmth and lightness in my chest. Something was stirring inside me, a spark of heat and life, like the fucking Tin Man getting a heart. I couldn’t give it back to the wizard. Not now I knew what it was to feel it beating for this woman.
What if she didn’t feel the same? We hadn’t known each other long. What would Christmas dinner be like with the in-laws if I couldn’t sort this out? Mortimer Fox had made his feelings about me clear, and I wasn’t his biggest fan either. I didn’t fit into Joanie’s world, and I had no desire to. I opened my mouth, and a sudden rush of nerves gripped me. I’d take a penalty or a red card over talking about my feelings any day. Hell, I’d even take an own goal in front of a packed stadium.
Gathering her in my arms, I fitted her body against mine. “This is the truth. I want to be the only one. If we’re doing this, then you’re mine. I don’t share.”
She bit her lip. “I don’t want to share you either.”
This was fast, faster than I’d ever experienced with a woman, but it couldn’t be slow. It felt too right. “Then we are in agreement that I’m the only person to help you with your list?”
She nodded, and her smile was wide and playful. “Only you, I swear.”
“Good, because... I want this to be just you and me.” I swallowed past the knot of nerves in my throat. “I think I’m falling for you.”
The smile trembled on her lips and was replaced by a tight, worried expression. I’d come on too strong and scared her off. “I know. I know. It’s too soon to be saying stuff like that...”
She bit her lip.
“Are you going to say something?”
“I don’t know what to say. You scare me when you say that.”
“Why?”
“Because I feel the same about you, and I don’t want to get hurt.”
I pressed a kiss to her temple. “I won’t let you down. I promise.”
