Page 81 of Playing for Possession
“Sorry,” I muttered.
“Entirely my fault.”
I took a step back to find myself face-to-face with the man I’d given up on seeing tonight. Kieran towered over me, all lean muscle, tattoos, and chiseled cheekbones.
“I’ve been looking for you,” he said.
My heart took a leap being in his presence again, but I suppressed the feeling of lightness. This man hadn’t been honest with me. It must have been so easy for him. I’d fallen into his arms. He hadn’t even had to make an effort to win me over. He stepped forward, and a flaring torch illuminated his face. Swelling marred his right eye, and blood stained the collar of his shirt.
“What happened to your face?”
“It doesn’t matter.” A cut dissected his bottom lip. “I’m sorry I’m late. I wanted to be here. I got... interrupted.”
My fingers hovered around his swollen eye. “You’re hurt.”
“It’s nothing. I came as soon as I could.”
“So you could get here before my dad told me about your deal?”
He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his battered face. “You know, then? I wanted to get here before the ceremony so I could speak to him and clear this up.”
He wasn’t going to deny it?Clear things up? Get him to lie for you, you mean.Kieran reached for my hand, but I locked my arms behind my back. The wind ruffled my hair and a great shiver ran through me. I didn’t want to do this now. Not more confrontation. I’d already put that hurt look on Dad’s face. Now this was going to be another awful conversation.
Kieran stared at me intensely and frowned. “I was going to tell you, but I wanted to speak to your dad first. I’m serious about a future with you. You mean more to me than playing for England, more than Calverdale... more than anything. Yes, your dad asked me to do the commercial, and keep an eye on you, but I couldn’t care less about any of that. It was stupid.”
He put his hand over his heart and looked me squarely in the eyes. “Please. I’m so sorry. Forgive me. It’s really not as bad as it seems.”
He stepped closer so that my senses filled with his tantalizing scent. My chest tightened so much it left me gasping for breath. Why had my dad done this? This had just been another way to control me. He knew I hadn’t wanted to do that commercial! They were each just as bad as the other. It wasn’t the deal. It was the fact Kieran had concealed it from me. They’d both made me feel like a fool.
He reached for my hand again. “I just want to hold you and kiss you again. I don’t care who sees. I don’t care if we’re front-page news tomorrow. I just want you.”
Kieran thought I was a pushover. But I was sick of being percussion. Sick of plodding along in the background unnoticed. People thought they could treat me like a doormat. That’s why Dad had made this stupid deal. Why had Kieran come here? How couldhe expect to resolve this so easily? Because he knew I wouldn’t want to be difficult and cause a scene? Did he really think he could talk his way out of this?
“I want to put things right between us.” Kieran stepped closer, lowering his voice. “I fucked up, Joanie. I take full responsibility for my actions. I know that me talking to your dad must have hurt you. I’m so sorry.”
No. It was lying to my face and pretending to care about me that had hurt me. It was once again finding out that someone saw me in a totally different way to how I’d thought they did. It had been the same with Gerard.
Snatches of music and raucous laughter drifted from the party inside, taunting us in the bitter night air. Blood dripped from Kieran’s nose onto his shirt. What had happened to his face? He wore a dark, angry expression. His hands balled into fists at his side. Why was he in this state? I wanted to throw my arms around him and comfort him, but I couldn’t, not after what he’d done.
“Talk to me. You’re not saying anything. What can I do to make this better?” His wild eyes darted over my face. “What are you thinking? Are you angry with me? It’s OK if you’re angry with me. Tell me what I need to do. Please. Give me something.”
I took a breath, struggling to find the language for the hot swirl of emotions in my chest. Yes. I was angry. I was really angry. And hurt. So hurt. I tried to form the words, but they caught in my throat. It was impossible to hear anything above the voice in my head.Don’t rock the boat. Don’t be difficult. Don’t cause a scene.
He took both of my hands in his. His voice filled with pleading. “Talk to me. Please. You need to tell me what to do.”
I swallowed past the knot in my throat. My voice came out a defeated whisper. “You were pretending to like me the whole time.”
“No. God no. Not one single moment of our time together was pretending.” He put his hand over his heart. “You have to believe that. I will do anything to fix this. I don’t care how long it takes. It doesn’t matter. You are the only woman I want. You are my entire bucket list.”
I wanted to scream and tell him what a lie that was, but I shrank under his gaze. I’d always been the person holding the camera, and never dared step into the frame. This was my life, and I had to step into the spotlight, and speak up for myself
“You have to give me something, Joanie. Please.” Vulnerability laced his soft urging. “Just tell me what I need to do.”
“I can’t.” The admission made my guts churn.
“What do you mean?” He rubbed the back of his neck. “You can. Just tell me what you’re thinking. Whatever it is. I can take it. I will do whatever I need to do to put this right.”
I took a breath and steadied myself. I’d told him about what had happened with my ex. What a fool he’d made of me. I’d heard Gerard laughing about me. I’d thought Gerard had seen me, but he hadn’t. He’d seen my father’s daughter. Someone to mock and make fun of. Couldn’t Kieran understand what he’d done? He’d made a fool of me again. I didn’t think anything could make me feel worse than Gerard, but Kieran had managed it. This cut more because I’d genuinely cared about Kieran. A deep pain speared my heart. I loved him.
