Page 65 of Between Then and Now
“So, what is it?”
“I…” I take a deep breath. “I’m in love with her,” I say, gripping the edge of my seat because I feel a bit dizzy saying it out loud. I wait for Josh to speak but he doesn’t. I thought the line got cut. “Hello?” I ask.
“Sorry, I was waiting for the punchline,” he says.
“There’s no punchline. I am in love with her, Josh,” I say. Now that I admit it to him, I don’t feel any hesitation at all. There’s no nagging voice in my head telling me to keep it together or convincing me that I’m feeling this as a friend. There’s none of that. There’s only pure honesty.
“And you’re calling me because?” he says slowly.
“Because I don’t know how to handle it. She... she left. Immediately, after we…” I trail off. Shit, I can’t tell him, can I?
Joshua sighs loudly. “Silence doesn’t make it any less disgusting, you know?” he says. I can imagine his deadpan expression. “So, you slept with my sister, and then you fell in love with her?”
“No. I fell in love with her first.”
There’s a pause, and I can almost hear Joshua’s brain working through what I’ve just told him. “So, let me get this straight,” he begins, his tone now more thoughtful. “You’ve had this epiphany, and instead of telling her, you’re telling me?”
“I didn’t get a chance to tell her,” I say, frustration creeping into my voice. “She left a note saying she needed time to figure things out. She’s scared, Josh. And I get it, but I don’t know what to do. And you’re like everyone’s older brother, so any advice would be great.”
“You’re asking me to help my younger brother date my younger sister?” he says sarcastically, and he chuckles to himself. “Look, Ry. I’m the last person in the world to give you advice about love. My longest relationship is twenty-four hours. And it was only because there was an unexpected blizzard.”
“That’s sick,” I interject. “But go on.”
“What’s sick is you calling me at bedtime to gush about my sister, of all people,” he says, and I pause, letting silence apologize for me. “But I know Bon.” Josh continues. “I’m the type to run away when things get too real, but she has a different fear of reality. She thinks no one will accept her if she’s not the talkative burst of energy she tries to be. And like most things in our lives, it’s our parents’ fault,” he says.
His voice is softer now. “She’s scared that if she shows any vulnerability, people will reject her. That’s why she ran. She’s afraid that if you see all of her, you won’t want her anymore.”
“That’s not true,” I say firmly. “I love all of her, even the parts she’s scared to show.”
“Then you need to make sure she knows that,” Josh replies. “You’ve got to show her that you’re not going anywhere, no matter what. She needs to feel safe with you.” He pauses. “Again, I’m saying this as her brother and your friend and not because I’m an expert at this.”
“Thank you, Josh,” I say. “I’ll try to reach out to her.”
“Just give her time. She’ll come around,” he says.
“I hope so,” I say, sighing deeply. “I’m just so scared of losing her.”
“You won’t,” Josh says confidently. “Not if you’re as serious as you say you are. Just be patient, and don’t give up on her.”
“I won’t. You have my word,” I say, determination settling in.
“You’re pretty good, Ry. I don’t know shit about love but I know Bon deserves it. So just give it to her,” Josh says. “And I’m gonna spare you the long, big brother talk because you’re my friend, but I want you to know that if you hurt Bon, I will filet your internal organs and sell them in the black market.”
I gulp. I know he’s trying to lighten the mood by joking, but I know Joshua. Behind his humor is a truth he’s uncomfortable to say. He’s always been protective of Bon (and all the girls, really) and while we’re friends, he’s a brother first.
I remember a time in high school when a guy tried to mess with Bon. He was already out of high school and I was a junior then. Bon was in seventh grade, but she begged to be dragged to the party. While we were there, some jerk thought he could take advantage of her and offered her a few drinks. Joshua found out, and without hesitation, he stormed into the scene, yanked the guy by the collar, and gave him a stern warning that sent chills down everyone’s spine. The guy was so terrified he apologized profusely and never came near Bon again. Joshua didn’t have to throw a punch; his sheer presence andprotectiveness were enough to make it clear that no one messes with his sister.
“I know you’ve always looked out for her, Josh,” I say. “That’s all I want to do too.”
“You better,” he says, his tone serious again. “Bon deserves someone who’ll stand by her no matter what.”
“I’m that someone,” I say, with conviction in my voice.
“Good,” Josh says. “Then go get her, tiger.” He laughs and then adds, “Seriously. Go get her.”
We end the call, and I feel a renewed sense of purpose. Bon is worth it, and I’m going to show her that.
I continue my day tending to patients and making sure thoughts about Bon are tucked away for the meantime. However, I make sure my phone is within reach in case she decides to call me.
