Page 69 of Between Then and Now
“Did something happen?” Kate interjects. “Wait, this feels wrong. We have to call Emily.” She gets her phone to Facetime Emily and strategically places it on the table so we’re all visible.
Em’s face pops up on the screen. She’s in bed in her pajamas. I check the time and see that it’s past noon, which means it’s past midnight where she is. “Is this the part where Bon admits that she hacked Ryan’s Instagram account?” she says.
“I have no idea what you’re all saying.” I furrow my brows and look at them all with confusion because I don’t think I’ve seen these posts. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Ryan post anything. I pull my phone out of my pocket and open my Instagram account to type in Ryan’s.
And there it is. The “Follow Back” button is still there. I guess I forgot to follow him back when I set up his account, so this is the first time I’m actually seeing his profile.
His profile looks like… me. From the very first photo to the last. Most of his posts have ten photos each (since ten is Instagram’s limit). I scroll through each one of them, feeling the girls’ stares burning into me.
There’s a photo of me eating ice cream, a photo of me with a lizard on my head, a photo of me scraping the bottom of a halo-halo glass, a photo of me in the sunset, a photo of me at the lighthouse, a photo of me with the new bracelet charm, a photo of me looking at my camera, a photo of me smiling wide. And the last one is a photo of us–not the one where he kissed me, but one from that moment. Every single photo on hisprofile is of me. Photos I had no idea he took. Photos I hadn’t even thought of. But he captured them all.
“Bon?” Kate says. “Are you okay?”
I’m speechless, my mind racing to comprehend what I’m seeing. My heart feels like it’s about to burst out of my chest. “I… I had no idea,” I stammer. Despite everything, I chuckle. Because I haven’t really taught Ryan social media etiquette, and now he’s the guy who posts the face of the same girl eight times in fifteen minutes.
Emily’s voice comes through the phone, more serious now. “Bon, what’s going on? Are you and Ryan… together?”
I shake my head, still scrolling through the pictures. He even captured a photo of me in my Elmo pajamas. “No, we’re not… I mean, we haven’t really talked about it.” I stutter. “Well, we–he tried. Because we kissed, and then we… yeah. And then I left him in Batanes with a note, and now… this.” I say.
The girls are wide-eyed. “That’s a lot of information to get in ten seconds,” Haley starts.
“Can you start over?” Em says on the other line. She’s now propped up instead of lying down, obviously eager to be alert for this story.
So, I tell them everything. I tell them about the Alexa situation that brought me there in the first place. It seems like ages ago when I was helping Ryan get the girl. I tell them about the practice conversations, the practice date, the practice kiss. I tell them about the near-drowning experience. I tell them about the date with John and what he said. And lastly, I tell them about the night before I left.
The booth falls into a hush as I finish recounting the whirlwind of events. The girls are listening intently, their expressions shifting with each twist and turn of my story.
Haley leans back, folding her arms across her chest. “So, let me get this straight. You went there to help him get over his nerves with Alexa, went on a practice date and had a practice kiss with him too,” she recounts slowly. “That part alone is already bonkers, by the way. But then you almost drowned, and he saved your life, and then he admitted his feelings for you, and then you kissed and slept together. And then you… left?”
I nod, feeling a mix of embarrassment and frustration. “Yeah, I left.”
Kate’s eyes widen. “Bon, that’s like… a whole movie in itself. Why did you leave?”
“I panicked,” I admit, fiddling with the sandwich wrapper in my hands. “I didn’t know how to handle it. Everything happened so fast, and I just... ran.”
“I don’t buy it,” Emily says. “Why did you really leave, Bon?”
I sigh. “Fine.” I take a bite of my sandwich, their gazes fixed on me. “I’m a mess, you guys,” I say as I feel the tears accumulating in my eyes. And this is probably the most terrible sight ever because I’m crying, chewing, and talking at the same time. Kate holds out a sympathetic hand while Haley just looks at me in disgust.
“I know you’re all used to me being the happy friend, the fun one, and all that. And you know how I change every time I have a new boyfriend.”
“The alter-ego,” they all say in unison.
I glare at them, “Is that really a thing?” I say, and they all nod simultaneously.
“Anyway, when I was in Batanes and I was starting to feel all these confusing feelings for Ryan, I realized that it was so hard to pretend that I didn’t care. It was so hard to portray a funfriend. And then, when I drowned, I just became gloomier, because, well, I almost died.” I chuckle half-heartedly.
“And then my parents arrived, and I talked to my mom and she said something about how love is something you won’t know unless you try, blah blah. And then John told me I was boring. And everything in me implodes. Ryan was there to see all of that, and he says he accepts it all. But what if, one day, he doesn’t?
“I guess I’m just scared. Scared that my mask is off and I’m seen for all I am. And it’s scary to be this vulnerable. Like I don’t have a shield. That if I fall—and I did—it will be so bad. Because Ryan is my friend. And if we’re together and that fails, what will happen to us?” I sigh.
After a few moments of silence, Emily speaks. “And you say I’m the overthinker.” Haley and Kate nod in agreement.
I frown at her and say, “Spare it, Em. My brother already lectured me about that. He said I overthink when I care. And apparently, he’s right.”
“Ten points to Joshua,” Emily says. “But Bon, we all wear masks to some extent. The people who truly care about us see beyond them, though. They see the real us and love us anyway.”
“That’s true. In fact, Bon, we don’t love you because you’re the fun one… we love you despite that,” Haley says, and I throw a rolled-up napkin at her.
