Page 54 of Between Then and Now
To my surprise, Alexa chuckles. “It’s been obvious since the first time I met you, Ryan.” And that is another surprise to me because I have no idea what she means. I only started to look at Bon differently after the accident. Okay, maybe after we kissed, but definitely not before this trip.
I think my confusion is sprawled on my face because Alexa leans forward. “Don’t you remember the first time we spoke?”
My brows furrow as I try to recount it. “It was at the hospital mixer, last year; I said ‘hey’ and you smiled and then we never spoke again.”
“No, it wasn’t that.” She smirks. “We met at a party. The very first day of med school. John brought you along when he was dating my friend Stacey.” She raises her eyebrows as if waiting for me to remember, but my mind is drawing blank.
“No recollection of this party whatsoever,” I say.
“Well, I think it’s worth mentioning that you were flat-out drunk.” She laughs. I purse my lips and shake my head. “Anyway,” Alexa continues, “Stacey introduced us. And I attempted to flirt with you. You know what you said, two minutes into talking?” Normally, the revelation that Alexa attempted to flirt with me would send my mind reeling, but this time it does nothing except make me wonder if she’s telling the truth.
I shrug. “Did I tell you some wrong facts about art history? I’ve been told that I do that.”
Alexa laughs but she shakes her head. “No. That would have been better, actually.” I’m still looking at her with a confused expression, so she continues talking. “Your exact words were, ‘I like you. You’re like my friend Bonbon. She’s great, by the way.’ And then you spent thirty minutes ranting about how you didn’t like her boyfriend Greg because he’s changing her... And then you left us because you had to attend her birthday party.”
I stare at her, incredulous. “I said that?” I bury my face in my hands. “This is embarrassing. I can’t believe I asked you out after doing all that.”
Alexa nods, her expression understanding. “It’s fine. When you asked me out, I thought you’d finally gotten over her, but seeing you around her…” She trails off, her eyes searching mine. “I knew you were already hooked, even if you didn’t realize it yourself.”
I run a hand through my hair, absorbing her words. “I had no idea.”
“Maybe not consciously,” she says gently, “but it’s always been there. The way you talk about her, the way you look at her... It’s clear to anyone paying attention.”
“I talk about her and look at her differently? I don’t think so…” I say, trailing off as I try to piece it together.
“Ryan,” Alexa says softly. “You talk about her like she’s the most important person in the world. And you look at her like she’s a celebrity you secretly stalk online. You know, always so starstruck,” she says. “And don’t even get me started on your Instagram account.”
I let out a sigh, the weight of the realization settling in. “I’m sorry, Alexa.” I don’t know what else to say.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s not like we hit it off anyway. I wasn’t even sure why I suggested a second date. I just think you’re really cute, you know?” she says, chuckling.
“I actually felt the same about you. Honestly.” I contemplate telling her about the ‘lessons’ Bon was giving me, but I realize Alexa deserves to feel better, so I add, “The reason why I agreed for Bon to come with me was because she offered to help me shake off the jitters and get the courage to talk to you.”
At this, Alexa smiles. “That’s adorable.” She takes another sip of her soda. “And I hate to be the one to tell you this, but that’s not the reason you wanted to bring her with you.” I look at her, amazed at how much she’s noticed.
And then I consider the fact that she may be right. I brought Bon with me because I wanted to spend time with her. I want to continue spending time with her. Maybe my heartalready knows that I like her, and my mind is finally catching up to it.
“Look, Ryan, I hope you two hit it off. I really do.” Alexa says, standing up, and I do too. She walks over to me and gives me a hug. “Good luck,” she says.
As Alexa walks out, I sit back down and reflect. All the things I claimed to like about Alexa are qualities that reminded me of Bon. My feelings for her were less about who she is and more about who she represents. And it’s funny because they don’t even have that much in common.
Alexa is quiet and reserved, while Bon is loud and opinionated. But the moment Alexa showed a slip of personality that reminded me of Bon, I convinced myself that I liked her. Because it would be easier to admit than having feelings for a friend I’ve known my whole life.
It’s confusing, and a bit unsettling, but it’s also liberating to finally come to terms with the truth that it’s been Bonbon all along.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Bonita
This is already the worst date of my life, and I haven’t even seen my actual date yet. Last night, I went to buy some tea from the restaurant when I saw Ryan and Alexa hugging each other. And I hate myself for it, but I am so incredibly bothered, so unbelievably upset by it that I’ve ignored Ryan for the entire day.
I know it’s not his fault. It’s not Alexa’s fault either. But I can’t pretend like nothing’s wrong, like I’m not jealous of them. Ryan probably hasn’t noticed because he’s been busy today. But I tried my best to steer clear of him. Part of me wishes I’d just gone home with my parents today and saved myself from all this. But for the love of my documentary and redemption, I stayed.
I glance at Puppy’s empty bed. He’s probably frolicking around the inn again. No one ever claimed him, but I think the dog-loving inn owners will keep him. He sometimes even sleeps with the other dogs under the front desk. I must admit, I’m a bit attached to the little thing, and it’s going to be hard to leave him when the time comes.
I start getting ready and put on a black dress that I stole from Emily’s closet. It’s so unlike me, I know, but this is an official date, and I feel like I have to start a blank slate. Sure, John has seen me and talked to me, but I want date-Bon to be more… acceptable. I guess I haven’t fully embraced the whole find-someone-who-really-sees-you advice my mother gave me. I remove the curlers on my bangs to give them volume and apply makeup.
I put on my shoes and sit at the foot of my bed, waiting for John to knock.
