Page 56 of Between Then and Now
“I didn’t expect her to be so… boring,” John says to Tom. “I know it’s probably because of the accident, and I’m being an ass, but I guess I expected her to be more fun to be around.”
Tom chuckles, but he talks in a serious tone, taking a drag of his cigarette. “Hey, it must have been hard on her.”
John shakes his head. “Yeah, I know, man. I was hoping for a distraction, something light and fun. But maybe she has too much going on. I feel bad, really. This night is not as good as I expected it to be.”
My heart sinks, and I feel a lump forming in my throat. I take a step back, my mind racing. I had tried so hard to be present, to push through the lingering effects of the day’s events, but hearing John’s words feels like a punch to the gut.
As I stand there, frozen, I overhear more of their conversation.
“I thought she had a thing with Ryan?” Tom asks, exhaling a cloud of smoke.
“She keeps saying she doesn’t, but she keeps bringing him up, even if it’s just in passing. Even I’m a bit confused, to be honest,” John replies, sounding frustrated.
I take a deep breath, willing myself to move. I can’t stand here and listen to any more of this. Quietly, I turn and head back inside, my mind swirling with emotions. Before I wallow in all of it, I think of an exit plan. I quietly cross to the other side of the restaurant and open the door to the outdoor dining area. I subtly exit and head in the direction of the beach, I think. All Iknow is I need to go away. I walk and walk until I’m sure the restaurant isn’t visible when I look back.
I stop for a while and pull out my phone to text John.
Me: Sorry. Had to run. You can go back without me, I’ll take the next jeepney in.
After a few seconds, my phone buzzes.
John: Everything okay? I can take you back to the inn.
Me: Nah, I wouldn’t want to impose.
Me: PS. You’re not exactly fun, either. And you don’t have a near-drowning experience to justify that.
And then I block him. Even if he texts me back, I won’t know. And I honestly don’t want to.
I look around me to see that I am at some church. Thankfully, there’s a bench outside, so I sit down. And then I let the tears fall.
The tears keep coming, and I bury my face in my hands, feeling the weight of all the times I've tried to fit into someone else's mold. I think back to those relationships, the constant pressure to change, to be quieter, to be less. Each time I thought I found someone who could appreciate me for who I am, it turned out they wanted something different, something I wasn't.
And then today, I was called boring. Boring. As if my entire existence, everything that makes me who I am, can be reduced to a single, dismissive word. As if the laughter, the stories, the passions that fill my life mean nothing. I’ve always prided myself on being vibrant, on having an energy that draws people in. I love deeply, I care intensely, and I live passionately. But now, to be labeled as boring? It feels like a slap in the face, a cruel joke.
Maybe I’m doomed when it comes to romantic relationships. It's like I'm constantly walking a tightrope, never finding the middle ground where I can just be me. It’s either I’m too much or I’m too boring. I wonder when I can ever be just enough?
CHAPTER THIRTY
Ryan
Ithought so much about perfecting my confession to Bon that I didn’t see this coming: the possibility that she does feel the same way and that she’s hurt because of the way I acted.
I have to fix this. I need to see her, to explain, to do something before this slips through my fingers. I dash to the front desk and ask if there are any cars available for rent. The receptionist barely looks up as she tells me that the last one was claimed by John and Bon earlier tonight. Of course it was. I mutter a curse under my breath.
“There’s still one of the big bikes, though,” she says, looking up as she checks her list.
I snatch the keys, thank the receptionist, and bolt out of the inn, hoping this isn’t a mistake.
I know that they’re going to that new restaurant on the other side of the island, but when I get there, they’re gone. I scan the place one more time, just to be sure, but I don’t see them. No, wait. I see John. Except he’s with Tom, Mia and a few others.
“Where’s Bon?” I ask as I walk over to him.
“She left…” John trails off. “I may have upset her. I’ve been trying to call her, but it seems she blocked me.”
“What did you do to upset her?” I ask, trying to keep calm even when I want so badly to pry the truth out of him. He’s my friend, but he tends to step out of line most times.
“I... I don’t know,” he says, but he doesn’t look me in the eye.
