Page 72 of Between Love and War
I blink, stunned, and just as I’m about to say something, she bolts upright from the couch.
“Sorry, I—” she stammers, touching her lip like she’s trying to erase the evidence. Her eyes are wide with something between panic and disbelief. “You probably didn’t want that, I’m—”
My heart is still catching up. “No, I did. I–Ido,” I say, almost breathless.
But she’s already spiraling. “Okay, but—” she flounders again, pacing now, arms crossed. “I thought I did. I thought I was ready for that big moment, but then when I actually did it, I panicked, and now my brain is spinning like a hamster wheel and I think I’m dying—”
“Katie,” I say softly.
She pauses, and I stand slowly, making sure I don’t startle her. “It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong,” I say.
She won’t meet my eyes. Her arms are folded so tightly across her chest it’s like she’s trying to hold herself together. “I thought I could… I thought it would be brave. Or—I don’t know...” She gives a small, breathless laugh that doesn’t sound funny at all.
“It was brave,” I say. “But you don’t have to explain. You’re allowed to change your mind. You wanted to kiss me at the moment, and you did, and that’s fine,” I say, even though a single second of her lips on mine made me breathless. “You’re allowed to test the waters and still be unsure.”
She exhales, slower this time. Still pink in the cheeks, still nervously tugging at the hem of her tank top, but calmer now.
She nods slowly. “Sorry if I made it weird,” she says.
“Don’t apologize,” I say. “Test the waters with me anytime,” I add before I even consider what it means.
She doesn’t say anything after that. Just stands there, staring at me. I don’t push her to talk more. I don’t try to unpack what that kiss was. I just try to help her calm down.
If it were up to me, though, I’d kiss her again. I’d lean down, pull her close, cup her face, and kiss her senseless.
But it’s not up to me.
It’s up to her. And she doesn’t want this.
“So… do you wanna help me invite everybody for cake in the backyard?”
Kate blinks, then smiles. “Okay,” she says.
We head toward the door, her steps still slow, but I match her pace. We don’t speak much as we move through the streets. The stars are faint tonight, but the breeze is light, and somewhere down the road, a dog is barking at absolutely nothing and neighbors are endlessly chatting.
We don’t talk about what the kiss means. Or what we’re supposed to do now. And I don’t push the moment. I don’t make a joke or reach for her hand.
I just walk beside her in the dark, knowing something small has shifted between us.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Kate
Hi, I’m Kate Cruz, and tonight, I baked Michael Lee a cookie cake and I kissed him.
Okay,kissedis a bit of a stretch, since it lasted for a literal second, maybe less. Honestly, I’ve seen longer blinks. But thatkissis the first time I ever put my mouth on another human being’s mouth. And I am freaking out.
Most people have their first kiss in high school. If you're from a slightly more conservative household, maybe college. But me? I’m inching toward thirty and have successfully avoided all forms of lip-on-lip interaction. The only other time I came remotely close was in college, during the University Fair’s fake marriage booth. The guy leaned in and I bolted. Because even then, even with a plastic veil on my head and a fake bouquet in hand, I couldn’t kiss someone I didn’tlove.
I’ve always thought my first kiss would come with a grand confession. A sweeping monologue. Possibly rain. Definitely feelings.
But nope.
Instead, I got: pajamas, cookie crumbs, and an accidental burst of courage that lasted exactly one second and then vanished forever.
So now, instead of basking in the magic of my very first kiss, I am hiding. Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually. Because I kissed someone who doesn’t like me that way. And worse? I did it without asking. Which makes me a giant red flag.
I sigh. Normally, I’m a hopeless romantic. But now, I’m just… hopeless.
