Page 79 of Between Love and War
I stare at Michael, who’s now juggling a plate of spaghetti, a handshake from my cousin’s husband, and a story about how he once lost a sneaker mid-game. He’s handling the chaos better than I am. And for some weird, unexplainable reason, that makes my chest feel like it's full of bees and balloons. I don’t even know why I chose bees and balloons, the point is my chest is both full and painful at the same time.
“You okay?” someone whispers near my ear as Michael weaves his way into my life.
I look behind me to see Haley, appearing out of nowhere, holding a glass of iced tea in one hand and a lechon kawali cube in the other.
“I—define okay?” I whisper back.
Haley looks toward Michael, who is now laughing with my Lolo and complimenting my Tita Josie’s spaghetti. “He’s thriving,” she notes. “Is this, like… a real thing now? Can I sing at your wedding?”
I shake my head. “Nothing is real. He’s still leaving after the year-end thing.”
She ignores me, snickers, and hands me a tissue. “You’re sweating.”
“Emotionally,” I say.
“No,” Haley says slowly. “Physically, you’re sweating. Emotionally, you’re spiraling. Because, my dear Katherine, youlikehim.”
“I kissed him,” I mumble.
Her eyes go wide. “You WHAT?”
I don’t know why I told her. But Haley has been with me through everything, and it feels wrong tonottell her. “I know, I know.” I press the tissue to my forehead. “It was an accident.”
“There are a lot of things in this world that can be accidental. Slipping on a wet floor. Liking a tweet from 2014.Notkissing someone is easier than kissing them.”
“I’ll tell you about it later. It wasn’t even a real kiss. It was like a peck, but milder.”
“Yes, but to you, that’s basicallysex.” She gets distracted by one of our titas commenting on her new stage role, and I’m left alone again.
And then I remember why I didn’t tell her. As much as she loves me, she also… underestimates me. Like I’m the designated good girl in the group dynamic. And I don’t blame her. I built the brand. I’ve always been careful, packed emergency snacks andfirst aid, I recycle. I’m the one who crushes in silence, loves from afar, and overthinks her way into never trying.
I fall in love through romance books. Not real life. And for most of my life, being ‘the good girl’ has felt like a compliment. Something sturdy and sure and something I can actually live up to.
But ever since I kissed Michael I don’t know whether I want to crawl back in that persona… or keep running toward whatever this is. Whatever he is. WhateverImight be, if I stopped trying so hard to be the version of myself everyone already thinks I am.
And then, cutting through my thoughts, my mom walks over with her ‘play nice’ smile—the one she uses on waiters and new neighbors and unconfirmed boyfriends.
“Kate,” she says sweetly, but with sharp intent. “Invite Michael to tomorrow.”
“To… what?”
“The outing,” she says, as if it’s obvious. “We’re all going to Tagaytay. You know, the place with the infinity pool and the shaded cottages? We already rented the place.”
“No, Mom, I don’t think—he probably has plans—” I glance toward Michael, who’s now helping my Lolo adjust the volume on his phone.
“Michael!” my mom calls sweetly.
He looks up immediately. “Yes, ma’am?”
She beams. “Do you have plans tomorrow?”
I mouth ‘don’t do it’ behind her, like I’m in a hostage video.
Michael glances at me—just a beat longer than necessary—and then says, all calm and easy, “None that I can’t reschedule. Why?”
“We’re going to Tagaytay. Family trip,” she announces like it’s a red carpet premiere. “We’d love for you to join.”
There’s a long pause. He seems to consider it for all of one second.
