Page 68 of Quiver of Cobras
All the customers and the staff were directed out onto the street. I watched, satisfied, as Julie and Rubus were included in that number. She looked as calm and relaxed as ever but he looked as if he were about to erupt. From his expression, he didn’t believe for one second that my prank call was a coincidence. I clutched Finn’s arm in ecstatic delight as Rubus whipped round from side to side, an angry light in his green eyes. Any second now…
His gaze fell on the spot where his car had been parked and he appeared to freeze. He marched over, gazing down at the smattering of smashed glass, then he whirled back and started remonstrating with the nearest policeman who was doing his level best to question an older couple about the mysteriously non-existent gun.
‘Someone’s stolen my car!’ Rubus yelled.
‘Sir,’ the policeman said calmly, ‘I’m going to have to ask you to wait. We are investigating a firearms disturbance. I will take your details in a second.’
Julie wandered over. ‘I don’t understand. What’s the problem?’
The copper did a double-take. ‘Julie Chivers!’
She curtsied. Rubus was having none of it, though. He grabbed the policeman by his collar and yanked him forward. ‘My car has been stolen! It was parked right there! This isn’t a coincidence. This—’ Whatever else he’d been planning to say was muffled by the pavement. Four policemen jumped on him and threw him to the ground, cuffing his wrists with one fluid movement. Rubus continued to yell and struggle.
‘This is brilliant!’ I whispered to Finn. ‘Where’s the popcorn? I could watch this all night.’ I dusted off my palms. ‘Job done. Rubus will be banged up for the night for assaulting a police officer and Julie will be home safe before she can say “Pour me a G and T, darling”. Pretty impressive work, if I do say so myself.’
‘You’ve abused police resources. You terrified Julie, not to mention all those humans. The restaurant will need to spend a small fortune repairing both their door and their reputation. And all this because you couldn’t be arsed to wait another hour.’
I ticked off my fingers. ‘The police were probably bored and they could do with the practice. Julie is getting some extra publicity, which never did an actor any harm. Not to mention the fact that the restaurant will get its name in the papers too. There’s no such thing as bad press, you know. Plus they’ll have insurance. They’ll be fine.’ I smiled. ‘And we’ll be home and dry. Literally.’
‘You’re mad.’ Finn looked a bit ill.
I punched him lightly on the arm. ‘I keep telling you. I’m the Madhatter.’
Chapter Eighteen
When I got up the next morning, I was buzzing. I sprang out of bed with far more vim and vigour than I’d felt on previous mornings. I even felt energetic enough to lower myself to the floor and start a series of press-ups. The fact that I only managed half of one was neither here nor there; what was important was that I was on top of the world. No one could stop me. No one would dare.
I pulled on my clothes, pausing every so often to send out an attack jet of magic to the corners of my small room. I had more power than I’d realised. Chunks of plaster broke off from the walls and there were clouds of dust. The minor devastation made me feel even better.
Unwilling to let my good humour go to waste, I abandoned my efforts at magical destruction and skipped out to the corridor in order to find more victims. The very first person I banged into was the faery bouncer who I'd met while he was guarding Rubus's door. I cast a long, slow look across his large frame. I particularly enjoyed his grim, unhappy expression. Amellus, I suddenly remembered. That was what Rubus had called him.
‘Morning,’ I grinned. I danced round him, making sure that I wiggled my arse just enough to be super annoying.
‘Why are you so ’appy?’ he growled. ‘In’t you heard the news?’
I widened my eyes. I was in such a good mood that I didn’t even bother to comment on his lack of reasonable pronunciation. ‘No,’ I said. ‘What news?’ I clasped my heart with melodramatic zeal. ‘Are Kajagoogoo reforming?’
He watched me with a sour look. ‘What in Fey are you on about? Rubus ’as been irrrested.’ He rolled his rs to add extra emphasis to the affront.
In my mind’s eye, I imagined myself being presented with a certificate for Citizen of the Year; it helped me to achieve the perfect look of shock. ‘Oh my goodness!’ I gasped. ‘What happened? What did he do?’
‘He did nuthin’,’ Amellus grunted. ‘Would you believe pigs draggeted him away to jail because his car was nicked?’
I let my brow furrow in confusion. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘Is blatant discrimination.’
Sure it was. I rolled my eyes. ‘Because he’s a faery? The police don’t know that, though.’
Amellus glared at me for daring to contradict him. ‘Dun’t matter. Bastards took him. ’E’s our hero. ’E’s gonna save us all.’ His bottom lip jutted out and trembled. For a brief moment, I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d started to sob. ‘I wanna go home.’
‘If he’s not done anything wrong, they can’t keep him locked up,’ I said cheerfully. More’s the pity. ‘I’m sure he’ll be back in a jiffy.’
‘S’not fair.’
‘No,’ I agreed. ‘It’s green.’
Amellus merely looked confused. ‘Huh?’
