Page 55 of Skulk of Foxes
Charlotte answered the door far faster than I expected. The bright smile on her face disappeared almost immediately when she saw me. ‘You’re not the police,’ she said.
My spine stiffened. Police? I bit back the million questions on my tongue and quickly dissembled. I was the Madhatter, after all. ‘I’m the Community Liaison Officer responsible for this locality,’ I said, making up a job title that I hoped sounded official enough to pass muster. ‘The police, as I’m sure you can understand, are rather busy at the moment with the army in town and all the … strange goings-on over the last twenty-four hours. I’m here in their place until they can visit.’ I offered a perfunctory, business-like smile.
Charlotte frowned. ‘Show me your identification.’
Gasbudlikins. Why did I have to get the smart, wary human? ‘I don’t have it on me,’ I said, palms stretched outwards. ‘It was eaten by…’ I glanced around as if afraid that someone would hear me, ‘a pink elephant.’
Charlotte’s eyes went wide. ‘You saw a pink elephant?’ she breathed.
I wished. ‘Yeah,’ I nodded. ‘It snatched my ID and lanyard with its trunk and ran away.’ I leaned in. ‘I didn’t know elephants could run but that thing moved pretty darned fast.’
‘They might not look graceful,’ Charlotte told me, ‘but they can shift when they want to.’ She peered at me. ‘Hang on,’ she said. ‘I recognise you from the police station.’ She relaxed further. ‘Idoknow you. We met in the toilets.’
I smiled. ‘Yeah. You told me that weight lifters can lift more in blue-painted gyms.’
She shrugged. ‘I’m full of odd facts like that. It’s amazing what a little knowledge can do when you’re betting.’
‘Betting? You’re a gambler?’
The corner of her mouth lifted. ‘Only occasionally. And always legally, of course.’
‘Of course.’ I licked my lips. Learning more about her was all very well but it wasn’t getting me any closer to my goal. ‘So the reason you called the police…’
Her smile vanished. ‘I’ll show you,’ she said. ‘She’s this way.’ She stepped back into her house. With a surreptitious wave at Morgan and the others, who had no doubt been watching this entire exchange with bated breath, I hopped in after her.
The house was even grander on the inside. Morning sun streamed in through old stained-glass windows, creating pretty patterns on the bare floorboards. Unlike Liung, Charlotte had a discerning eye and there were only a few things dotted around. The minimalist style wasn’t exactly suited to this mansion but I kind of liked it all the same.
‘Nice place,’ I murmured.
‘I won it,’ she called from down the corridor. ‘Poker.’
Huh. Maybe I should have become a gambler instead of a fake superhero; it certainly paid better. Even villainy didn’t pay dividends like this.
‘It’s more trouble than it’s worth,’ Charlotte said, pausing in front of a closed door. ‘I can barely afford the council tax and something is always breaking down. The plumbing is a nightmare. And now there’s this.’ She put her hand on the doorknob and twisted it, revealing what was inside.
My mouth dropped open. What had once been a beautifully appointed room was now a scene of utter devastation, with torn curtains, slashed walls and overturned chairs. It wasn’t the mess that shocked me, though; it was the creature standing in the centre of the room and snarling that surprised me.
It was more than two metres long and one metre wide, and covered in dark fur. Two large horns sprouted from its head, curving to the sides in opposite directions. Its muzzle was elongated, like a duck’s bill. I’d have said it was some kind of deformed animal were it not for the empty plate in its large paws and the human expression in its eyes. It swung its head towards us and gazed at us with a tragically sad expression.
‘I’d have called the RSPCA,’ Charlotte said, ‘but they’ve got their hands full with other matters. I have a few friends in the police force who said they’d send someone to help.’ She bit her lip. ‘Besides, I don’t think this is an animal. I think it’s my housemate.’ She cast me a sidelong glance. ‘Unless it’s eaten her. That’s always possible.’
I blinked. This was entirely outside my experience. ‘Your housemate?’
‘Lizzy. She’s from Brisbane, Australia. She’s been studying in Manchester for a year or so and I let her kip here. I’ve got plenty of room and the rent, when she pays it, is welcome.’ She hesitated. ‘Watch her lips.’
I focused on the creature’s mouth. I couldn’t hear any sound but it appeared that it was trying to say the same thing over and over again. I scratched my head. ‘Uh…’
‘I’m an expert in lip reading,’ Charlotte confided. ‘It helps with scoping out the lay of the land when I’m preparing for a big bet. I can read trainers’ words from a hundred metres away. I’ve managed to avoid several dodgy gambles as a result. There was this one horse that—’
I held up my hand. ‘Perhaps another time.’ I pointed at the bizarre, furry duck-dog creature-thing. ‘What’s it saying?’
‘She. Not it. I think.’ Charlotte grimaced and whispered in my ear. ‘Vegemite. We’ve run out.’
‘What’s Vegemite?’ I asked with a frown.
Lizzy, if that’s what the thing in front of us was, opened her mouth in a sudden scream and lunged forward. Charlotte yanked me back into the corridor and slammed the door shut. ‘Don’t say it aloud in front of her!’
‘What? Vegemite?’
