Page 89 of Montana Lawman Rescuer
Both Emily and Gram said he needed to forgive his mother. He knew it to be so. It was easy to talk about forgiveness, but how could he let this lump of anger and disappointment go?
He tossed a stick into the fire and watched it burn until only red coals remained.
The fire had consumed it.
The thought flared within his head. Was forgiveness the same? Could he simply toss it out and watch it be reduced to ashes?
He got to his feet and picked up several sticks. “Father God, all my life, I waited for her to change. She never did, and still, I waited for something to be different. Now I see it’s me that needs to change. I need to let go of what was, just like I let go of this stick and let the fire burn it up.” He tossed it into the fire. It caught immediately, and the flames flared upward. “I let go of what I hoped for and accept what I have. I have a good life, a grandmother who loves me and raised me to do right. I have a job I like, and I’m good at.” He tossed another stick into the fire and watched the flames lick it up. “And, maybe I have a chance for the home and love I’ve always dreamed of.” He tossed the rest of the sticks into the fire, letting go of his fears and anger at the same time.
It didn’t matter what Mr. Ellesworth said about Emily. He’d seen who she truly was in the way she took care of Mikey, in the way she laughed and cried, in the things she enjoyed, like the roses at the empty house.
He had to convince her that she was exactly what he wanted in his life, what he’d wanted for many years.
His heart lurched against his ribs.
What if she’d left Bella Creek while he was away? Maybe gone to Alliance or even Lincoln? He would have no one but himself to blame. He’d practically told her to leave.
If she’d gone, he would go after her. He would go after her and tell her that her past didn’t matter. He’d follow her to the ends of the earth if he had to.
One thing he couldn’t control—her reaction. Would she forgive him for being so hard-hearted toward her?
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Emily stood in Annie’s kitchen. Annie had taken the boys to visit Sadie. She’d invited Emily to accompany her, but Emily had refused. She had thinking to do, and with everyone else out of the house, she had the perfect opportunity.
She needed a better plan than sitting around waiting. If she contacted her family, they might forward her enough funds to return to Nebraska, but she hesitated to do so. What if they had disowned her? The letter to Matron Hilda crackled in her pocket. She hadn’t mailed it yet, though she couldn’t say why she was so reluctant to send it on its way. Perhaps she’d learn things about herself she didn’t care to know.
She turned from the window and walked the length and breadth of the house, trying to decide what she would do.
Gram had told her several times she needed help with her sewing. She said she might even consider retiring if someone would take over her clients. Emily could start up a seamstress business. The idea caught in her thoughts. Had she been a seamstress? Had her business failed? Why else would she be working in the orphanage, apart from the fact she loved children?
She made another circuit of the house. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if she could stay in Bella Creek? She could rent the empty house from Grandfather Marshall and support herself with sewing and perhaps laundry.
The possibility made her insides tingle.
If she could support herself and a child, would she be allowed to keep Mikey?
A single woman might be allowed to adopt a child, but a fallen woman? Her excitement died as quickly as it flared.
Round and round went her feet. Round and round went her thoughts.
A loud noise shook the house. She rushed to a window. Thunder. Lightning. And then slashing rain closed the house in darkness.
Just like?—
It all came rushing back.
A door somewhere opened. Jesse entered. She stared at him as if seeing him for the first time.
“Annie said I could find you here.”
She nodded. “I remember.” She swallowed hard. She had hoped for something other than what it was.
He must have read the distress in her face and understood that the way she drew her lips in indicated something unpleasant. He crossed the room and stood very close. “Whatever you remember, it doesn’t matter. You can start over fresh here. I’m sorry for judging you. I want you to stay and give me a chance to prove I care about you.”
She held out a hand to keep him at a distance. He’d change his mind once he heard the truth. Jesse was a man who believed in black and white and no compromise.
He caught her hand. “Tell me everything.”
