Page 62 of A Duchess Mistaken
Wordlessly, Agnes nodded.
A sad smile touched the dowager’s lips. “I thought as much. I have watched you with Johnathan so I assumed it was only a matter of time before he revealed the truth to you.”
“Does that upset you, Your Grace?”
“Not at all. The truth is a good thing. Hiding it will only do more harm than good.”
Agnes couldn’t say she agreed fully but she wasn’t about to voice it aloud. Thankfully, the dowager duchess wasn’t waiting for a response.
“It is why I must face my own truth. I have failed my sons just as my husband failed me. I am afraid that my inability to reconcile the man I knew with the man he became in his death has turned me into something of a recluse.” She paused, then added, “I’m certain there is a far better word to describe my ailment but I am too ashamed to use anything but that. A recluse who has abandoned my family because my mind is weak.”
“It is not your mind that is weak, Your Grace, but your heart that is filled with such overwhelming emotion that it may have felt crippling at times. I cannot blame you for it nor do I think anyone else does.”
Agnes glanced at the dowager duchess just in time to see her lips twitch into something that might have been a smile, but it was gone half a second later.
“Are you speaking of Johnathan?” the dowager asked. “Do you mean to tell me that you do not think he blames me for who I have become?”
“Is that not the reason you have sought me out, Your Grace?” Agnes asked. She was a little uncertain, not knowing how best to proceed. She’d had very limited interactions with the dowager duchess, though she’d spent much time discreetly observing her whenever the dowager duchess deigned to grace them with her presence. From the start of the conversation, she’d been trying to understand why Her Grace would want to come to her. A stranger, no less. Would it not be better to speak such words to family than an outsider?
Her sudden closeness to Johnathan was the only thing Agnes could think of. She imagined that the dowager duchess might be feeling regret for her reclusion as of late and hadn’t a clue how to approach her sons about it. Agnes couldn’t blame her.
To her surprise, the dowager duchess bobbed her head again. “You are quite astute.”
“Thank you, Your Grace. Father says it is one of my redeeming qualities.”
“Of which you have many, I am sure. You will make your husband a lucky man when it is time.”
Agnes frowned at that. Why did Her Grace say ‘your husband’ as if she was not referring to Christopher?
“But to answer your question, yes,” the dowager went on. “I cannot allow my mind to continuously slip away while life passes me by. My husband died that day and a part of me went with him. I owe it to Johnathan and Christopher to give them all of whatever I have left. I owe them an apology for being absent since their father died. But I do not know how to approach it. Which brings me to the real reason I wished to speak with you. Perhaps you could provide me with guidance.”
“I cannot imagine what guidance I could provide, Your Grace, considering the fact that I have only known His Grace and Lord Christopher a short while.”
The dowager duchess was shaking her head before Agnes could finish speaking. “I watched you during the pall mall game. You have known them a short while, but you’ve already come to know them well. Especially Johnathan.”
Agnes stared ahead of her. She hoped the duchess wasn’t looking because she could feel her betraying body heating up at the slight suggestion in her tone. Her cheeks felt far too warm for comfort.
“So tell me, Miss Agnes,” Her Grace continued. “What should I say to him?”
Pity washed Agnes at the tinge of desperation in Her Grace’s voice. She could only imagine how difficult this must be for her. After all, Agnes had only been at Claymore Castle a shortwhile, arriving as a stranger, and she could feel the dowager duchess’ absence every time they gathered together. She could only imagine how deeply Johnathan and Christopher felt it as their sons.
“Direct honesty may be the best course of action, Your Grace,” she answered softly. “I repeat that I have not known them well, but I am positive that your sons love and respect you now as they did before the death of the late duke. I’m sure they will be more than happy to welcome you.”
The dowager duchess heaved a great sigh that seemed to shake the walls. She paused in her maddeningly slow stroll, turning to face Agnes. To Agnes’ surprise, she reached out to take Agnes’ hand.
“Thank you, Miss Agnes.” The dowager’s eyes filled with tears, her grip light but firm. “You have given me the confidence to face my sons.”
Agnes placed a hand over hers. “I only wish I could do more.”
“I can tell that you mean that. Do not trouble yourself any longer with our family matters. It was rude of me to include you in the first place.”
“By all means, Your Grace, I do not mind. I have grown rather fond of your family.”
“Yes, I can tell.” Despite the tear strolling down her cheek, the dowager duchess smiled softly. “Johnathan is quite fortunate.”
Agnes reeled in surprise. “You mean, Christopher?”
“I know what I said.” The dowager duchess squeezed Agnes’ hand, then pulled away. “From what I have heard, you’ve had a rather long day. You should go on ahead. I do not wish to keep you for much longer.”
