Page 88 of Duke of Emeralds
Anna’s eyes sparkled with mischief. “If he is truly lost, then you may as well say what you feel. There is no risk, is there?”
Hester stared at her tea then the words bubbled up before she could stop them. “I do not want to be alone,” she whispered. “I do not want to live apart. I want—” She stopped, mortified.
Anna pounced. “You want him.”
“I want things to be different.”
“That is not the same.”
Hester felt the tears gather, hot and unwelcome. “It is all I can manage, Anna. I am not like you. I am not brave.”
Anna reached over and brushed the hair from Hester’s cheek, gentle as a mother. “You are braver than any woman I know. You have survived things that would have crushed me to dust. If you can survive that, you can survive telling a man you wish for him to stay.”
Hester shook her head. “He would laugh at me.”
“He would not.”
“He is better off without me.”
Anna snorted. “He is a man. Men are never better off alone. They turn feral within the month.” She stood, pulling Hester with her. “Go to him, or write, or do something other than sit here and fade. I will not stand for it.”
Hester clung to Anna’s hand. “What if he does not wish to see me?”
Anna’s smile was a wicked, perfect thing. “Then you shall haunt him with the memory of your courage, and he will never know another moment’s peace. That, at least, is something.”
Hester could not help but laugh, even as the tears threatened again.
After Anna’s departure, and when she was alone again, Hester sat by the window and watched the street. She pictured Thomas, somewhere in the world, as lonely and angry as she was. She wondered if he thought of her.
She wondered if he would welcome her if she tried.
CHAPTER 36
“You do know you’re allowed to enjoy the view, don’t you?” Colin called, breaking the long silence between them. “You ride like a man running from the devil, but not even the devil could keep up at this pace.”
Thomas reined in and scanned the fields. Colin had invited him for a ride, and he’d accepted, hoping it would provide adequate distraction from thoughts of Hester. “I thought ye were the one racing. Last I investigated, the Duke of Copperton preferred to win at all things, even the scenery.”
Colin grinned. “Winning is the only reason to get up before sunrise. That or a wife.” He let the barb fly then circled back, clearing his throat. “You’re distracted, Tom. And it’s not the weather. What gives?”
“Nothing gives,” Thomas said, aiming for an insouciant shrug. It came out as a full-bodied shudder, his joints still raw from thesleepless nights. He pressed his thumb against the pommel of the saddle, grounding himself.
“Lushton is known for his honesty,” Colin went on, as if narrating for an invisible audience. “This—” he gestured at Thomas’s posture, “—tells me that you are troubled, and you expect me to believe it’s nothing?”
“Well,” Thomas replied, “the only thing worse than a friend who guesses at your misery is one who’s right.” He tried for a joke.
Colin’s horse snorted as if to respond. “Is it the estate? You’ve never once let that ruin a ride.”
Thomas shook his head, biting down a dozen answers. “It’s just…”
Colin waited. If patience were a weapon, he wielded it with the edge of a duelist.
“Town is not what I thought,” Thomas finished. “Or perhaps it’s exactly what I thought. Either way, I’m not made for it.”
Colin reined his horse closer. “This is about her, isn’t it?”
“Her who?”
“Don’t insult me. I know the difference between a man shot through and a man just gutting it out. What happened?”
