Page 62 of Resisting Fate
He settled the covers over them and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, tucking her into his side. She settled her head on his chest, listening to the solid thump of his heart.
He dropped a kiss on top of her head. “I’ve never had a serious relationship. Thought I should just put that out there.”
She turned the light back on to look at him, shocked he’d actually said the words “serious relationship.” Most men could barely think relationship let alone say it out loud. His expression was relaxed, his eyes holding hers with a steady gaze.
“Is that a warning?” she asked.
His lips curved. “I’m just saying I’m probably gonna fuck up at some point.”
“So you’ll refer back to this conversation? Kind of a free pass?”
He laughed. “I told you I’m new at this. See how I already pissed you off?”
She kissed him soundly on the mouth. “I’m not pissed off at all. I’m…happy. I’ve—” she swallowed hard “—I’ve never felt this way before.”
He gave her a small squeeze, his eyes warm on hers. “Me too.”
She turned off the light and snuggled back against him.
Ben spoke in a gentle tone. “Can you tell me why you got upset when I held your wrists the last time we had sex?”
Her glow receded, cold stealing through her. She said nothing. The fact that she’d been with a man like Louis, staying with him way too long, been a victim, it filled her with shame. She knew it wasn’t her fault. She’d fought hard to rise above it. But there it was—humiliating shame. A reminder of the high cost of love. One that made her want to pull away from Ben and flee.
“Missy, I sense something bad happened to you, and I just want to avoid any triggers that might send you back to reliving the experience. It’s only because I care about you.”
Adrenaline surged through her, her breathing rough, her skin clammy. His words were close to what a social worker might say or a counselor. He must’ve understood traumatic situations more than most people because of his social worker mom. She reached down deep, fighting every defensive instinct, searching for the words that wouldn’t reveal too much. “I don’t like my wrists restrained,” she whispered. “And no hair pulling.” Or slapping or yelling.
His arms tightened around her. “What happened?”
Her throat clogged, making it impossible to share more.
“You can tell me anything. No judgment.”
She tried to roll away from him, but he pulled her back in tight. She didn’t fight him. Some part of her needed him close right now.
“Okay,” he said in a soothing voice. “It’s okay. I know enough.”
She tried to relax again, but it was impossible. Part of her wanted to run far away and hide. How could she crave this intimacy yet fear it? She didn’t know how to open her heart and still feel safe.
“Missy, you sexy alligator, I need a hug after you wrung that monster orgasm out of me. Climb up here.”
She laughed a little as he pulled her fully on top of him and wrapped her in one of his radiant loving hugs. Long after she would’ve pulled away, he held on, until finally she relaxed again and drifted off to sleep.
~ ~ ~
Ben couldn’t get enough of Missy. He spent the whole weekend at her place. They even cooked dinner together Saturday night, and he actually liked it. Everything was great. Beyond great, everything was perfect. That worried him because nothing was ever that perfect. But did that stop him? Hell no. Some force greater than himself pushed past all his defenses and kept him close to her, closer than he’d ever been with a woman. And he knew the feeling was mutual because she welcomed him with open arms and soft smiles.
Now it was late Sunday morning and they were cuddled together on her sofa, watching a Hallmark Christmas movie, his man card hiding somewhere at his place. He couldn’t care less about the couple on the screen decorating a Christmas tree. All he cared about was the woman in his arms, tough and strong, yet moved by sappy movies and babies and sweet words. He wanted to bring her home to meet his grandmother. Maybe on Christmas Eve; it was only two days away.
He dropped a kiss on her head, waiting for the commercial to ask her about Christmas Eve because he was that awesome of a boyfriend. Finally, the commercial came on, and he tipped her chin up toward him. “What’re you doing Christmas Eve?”
“A lot. I’ve got to wrap the Harpers’ presents, prepare the food, pick up a gift card, and then I have to get everything over to them and set up. It’s a surprise, did I tell you that?”
“No.”
“Well, it is.”
“You’re doing a lot for that family. What’s their deal?”
