Page 41 of An Inconvenient Plan
“Part of me wanted you and at the same time didn’t want to want you.”
She sucked in air, her heart thumping hard. He wanted her way back then? That was more than two years ago! She kinda wanted him this whole time too—he was hot—but she didn’t want to want him because he fought with her so much. “Why didn’t you want to want me? Because of all of our fighting?”
He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. I know better now.”
“Because you thought I was a princess?” she guessed.
He stared at her. “Is there any way we can not talk about this and just eat?”
“No.”
He stabbed a potato. “You’re going to take it the wrong way. Then you’re gonna be pissed at me, and all the work I did for a perfect first date will fly out the window.”
“Just tell me. I can handle it.”
He blew out a breath. “I hated that you were a beauty queen. You seemed haughty, nose in the air with all your designer clothes and your perfect hair and makeup.”
“Judgmental, got it.”
“It was more like a visceral repulsion for everything I thought you were.” She gaped at him, and he rushed on. “Like I said, I was wrong. I hated that pageant stuff and that’s on me. I judged you based on my own bad experiences with my mom and ex.”
“Your ex? You mean Clarissa?”
“No.” He ate some more steak, so she did too. “I’m sure a psychologist would have a field day with this one, but I dated Miss Massachusetts in college. I was in love with her. She was in love with herself. Anyway she ran off and married some rich guy she met at a charity ball. She didn’t invite me to the ball; I didn’t even know about it. I found out much later from someone else who read about it in the society pages of the paper.”
“She just never came back to campus?”
“Nope. Someone on her sugar daddy’s staff emptied her dorm room for her a month later.”
She gave him a sympathetic look. “You’re right. That’s a psychologist’s session in the making.” His beauty-queen mom had also run off with a sugar daddy.
“Thanks. Glad I shared.”
She smiled to herself and went back to her meal, thinking over what he’d told her. He had beauty-queen baggage and she’d unwittingly played into that. “I only did pageants to earn scholarship money to college. It was the only way for me to go.”
He reached across the table and gave her hand a squeeze. “You did what you needed to do, and you know what? I respect that.”
She swallowed over the lump in her throat. Serious heartfelt Josh was more intense than she was used to in a man. “Thanks.”
“Now tell me all your dirty secrets. College, love life, psychologist’s dream experiences.”
They laughed.
She wasn’t keen to share just yet, enjoying hearing him open up for the first time. “So after Miss Massachusetts, anyone serious?”
He shot her a look for the deflection, but he still answered. “Mostly I dated and moved along. But, ya know, I was in the army for a while. Too many tours to stick with anyone, not that I wanted to. Came back home, recovered for a while, and finally settled in at Garner’s, where it was easy to meet women who walked into the bar.”
“Until the magnificent Clarissa, who made you a better man.” She couldn’t keep the sarcasm from her voice. He talked about his ex way too much.
His dark eyes sparked with amusement, but he said nothing.
“Did you really break up over a shoebox of money?”
He took a sip of wine, his dark gaze locked on hers. “We broke up because she knew I really wanted you, even though I hadn’t admitted it to myself yet.”
Mind blown. She flushed hot and couldn’t think of a single thing to say. Maybe she should be thanking Clarissa for opening Josh’s eyes.
He jerked his chin at her. “Your turn. Spill your secrets.”
