Page 62 of Royal Darling
He shoves his hands in his pockets. “I don’t want you to be on the outs with your family because of me.”
“It’s not you. It’s me. I’ve dared to step out of the box I was put in. So, fuck it. Right? Life moves on.”
“I suppose so,” he mumbles.
“I would like a drink,” I say brightly and head to the wet bar.
Jackson stays behind. I can feel his gaze on me. I’m determined not to let my fallout with my mother dampen the evening.
A short while later, we all head to the dining room for a family Christmas Eve dinner. It’s quite full with Mother’s relatives here, some of whom I haven’t seen in years. Everyone is here except Mother.
Anna looks distressed over my mother’s empty chair, and after a brief conversation with Gabriel, she leaves. I look to Gabriel in question.
“She’s going to get Mother,” he says, reading my expression correctly. I’ve always felt in tune with my oldest brother with our shared sensibilities in doing our duty to the crown. He’s loosened up quite a bit since meeting Anna. Maybe that’s what Jackson is to me, the male Anna. I smile to myself at the thought.
I glance at Jackson and give his thigh a squeeze under the table. He doesn’t respond. Normally, he’d give my hand a squeeze or put his hand on my thigh, indecently slipping his fingers wherever he pleased. Lucas says something to him and he turns away.
I take a long swallow of wine, mentally preparing myself for the possibility of my mother showing up. Will she be rude to Jackson? Will she ignore me like I’m no longer her daughter? Acid burns in my stomach.
I take some bread, though it isn’t proper to eat before everyone is seated, and quickly follow up with the remainder of my wine, draining my glass. A servant immediately refreshes it. What am I worried about? Anna won’t be able to get Mother to make an appearance. I don’t care what Anna says about adopting my mother as her own, the reverse is definitely not true. My mother has been tolerant with Anna and her outspoken brash ways, but she doesn’t treat Anna like a true daughter. They haven’t spent time together beyond the bare minimum required for the transfer of the queen’s duties from Mother to Anna.
The room erupts in greetings as Anna returns with my mother in tow. My jaw drops and I quickly snap it shut. How did Anna get her here? Especially after the nasty fight I just had with Mother. I thought she’d stay holed up in her room for another year. Maybe she didn’t care enough about me to be distressed. She’s washed her hands of me. Nausea rises in my throat.
Everyone stands, bowing their head to the former queen. She doesn’t smile, merely lifts a hand in acknowledgment of everyone, and allows Anna to escort her to a seat near the head of the table where Anna and Gabriel sit.
“Now that we’re all here, I have an announcement,” Anna says.
The room gets quiet.
She beams. “I’m pregnant!”
Everyone choruses congratulations. Lucas whistles and my mother sends him a withering glare. Not proper behavior.
My emotions are all over the place, my eyes welling with tears. So much is happening at once. Of course, I’m happy for them. Also, a little jealous. I would love to have an adoring husband and child on the way. I hazard a glance at Jackson. He looks uncomfortable, staring at his plate. I tell myself it’s because he’s not used to my family, not that he’s anti-family. But that’s not exactly true. He said it himself—he never wanted to be a family man. I shouldn’t fantasize about what will never be.
Gabriel is smiling from ear to ear; his gaze for Anna is pure adoration. “She’s eight weeks along. Due early August. We couldn’t be happier.”
“Or more nauseous,” Anna chimes in. “I’ve got two weeks of morning sickness so far with more to come. Alexandra, you’ll have to tell me how you managed with six pregnancies.” That’s my mother.
My mother actually smiles. “I was lucky. Never had morning sickness.” They have a quiet conversation, my mother looking livelier than I’ve seen her in forever. I wonder if this is how Anna got Mother down to dinner, by telling her she’d be a grandmother. My mother has been adamant about the necessity of Gabriel producing an heir. He’s done his duty, but anyone can see he’s thrilled to do so.
Gabriel signals for dinner, and soon we’re all enjoying the first course, sautéed scallops with foie-gras sauce and fresh truffles. Villroy being a major seafood supplier, caviar, smoked salmon, and lobster soon follow with various side dishes and palate cleansers for between courses. I watch as Anna sticks to starches, eating very little. My mother keeps up a steady conversation with Anna. Now Anna is the daughter she wanted. Silvia abandoned Mother, starting a new life in America with her husband, and I am nothing but a raging disappointment.
I can’t take another minute of being ignored, feeling less than, after a lifetime of following the rules and expectations laid out for me. I stand. “Excuse me, I’m very tired. I’ll see you all in the morning.”
“Still with the early bedtime,” Lucas teases.
“She’s always loved her routines and schedule,” Gabriel says fondly. “Of course, only Emma wakes up bright-eyed at dawn every day.” He’s forgiven me for my impetuous breach of royal protocol, running from my arranged marriage. He’s my big brother and he loves me.
Jackson stands with me. I paste on a smile. “Goodnight, everyone.” My mother won’t even look at me. Her cold dismissal infuriates me. “Goodnight, Mother.”
She turns, scowling as she takes in my red halter dress, and says, “I don’t even know the person in that whorish dress.”
I gasp.
The room falls deathly silent.
I gather my dignity. “And I don’t want to know the person who would call her own daughter a whore.” I stalk out of the room, head held high. Jackson keeps pace.
