Page 10 of Vallaverse: Twist
Kris crosses the room quickly and sits on the edge of the bed. She doesn't reach for my phone, but her eyes search for it.
It isn't that I'm not allowed to use my phone. I can call whoever I want, whenever I want. She just likes to monitor my contacts because we've had clients get too attached in the past. I don't want her to know I called Brooks, though. Brooks is mine, only mine. She doesn't get to know anything about him.
“No. Are you just now getting back?”
She nods. “I walked in the door five minutes ago. Have you been awake very long?”
I shake my head. I haven't. I've only been awake long enough to decide that it really was Brooks on the street earlier today.
I only started coming back to myself this afternoon. Kris helped me get cleaned up and dressed and then decided I needed some food before sending me off again. That's why we were at the club. They have an excellent restaurant on the main floorwhere you can fill up on five-star food before you head down to the sub-levels and forget what food even is until morning.
She reaches over to press her hand against my forehead. “How are you feeling, love?”
Truthfully, I feel like garbage, and every sober second that passes makes me feel a little closer to death. “I've felt better.”
“It's only been about fifteen hours. Are you ready for your next dose, or would you like to go a little longer?”
That's a fair question. Sometimes I like to see how long I can go before I start going really cold. Right now I'm just lukewarm on the heat scale. But I was out of it for almost three weeks the last time, and my system needs a break whether I want one or not.
I might be addicted to R, but I don't want to fuck around and let it kill me. It might happen eventually, but it wouldn't be intentional.
I'm not stupid. I know what I look like. Years of depending on R to keep me in a cloud of pleasure has taken their toll on my body, but my mind is as solid and strong as it ever was—when I'm not rolling through tides of false heat. I could keep this sharp clarity longer if I were willing to put myself through the physical torture of going without. This sort of clarity is only good for a few things and only for a little while; after that, it takes a violent turn into remembering everything I want to forget. Everything I'm running from. Everyone I've lost.
Him.
It always comes back to him.
And the way he looked at me the last time I saw him.
When I made my choice.
When I turned away.
“Laz,” Kris says softly. “Honey. Are you with me right now?”
I close my eyes and shake my head in a sad attempt at clearing away my sudden grief. “I'm here. Do I have any appointments today?”
“Would you like an appointment today?”
No. Not really. But if given the choice between the sadness that's beginning to consume me and the hunger that will cancel it out... “That's probably a good idea. I don't think I can go much longer without...”
“I'll get your medicine,” she says, a small smile curving her lips as she gets up from the bed and goes to her bag she left on the dresser. That's what she calls it now. Medicine. She says it sounds prettier. I guess it does. Saying that I can't go a full day without R washing away everything but hot need is a lot more words. “How did you feel about the Alpha from earlier today?”
It doesn't really matter how I felt about him, as long as he gives both me and Kris what we need. I won't remember the details anyway. “If you think he's okay, he's okay with me.”
She comes back carrying the small case that holds mymedicine. “Do you want a gradual start, or would you rather jump in the deep end?”
“How soon can he get here?” I ask. The sooner the better. Brooks's rough voice is still echoing in my mind, and my chest is getting tighter by the minute.
“Half an hour.”
“Cannonball.”
***
I wake up to the immediate knowledge that something isn't right. I feel wrong. I have the usual and expected soreness in all the normal places, but there's something else...
There. There it is.
