Page 18 of Vallaverse: Twist
Brooks tried to enjoy it as much as I did. I remember bits of our life back then. He tried to enjoy the effects R had on me because that was initially the point of it, but eventually the point changed, and he didn't enjoy anything about it. He told me he wouldn't compete with the drug. He told me to choose. I chose. And now he's back, and I have been presented with the truth of that choice, and I'm ashamed of it.
I can't let her turn Brooks into just another client. I can't.
But I know what will happen if I let myself go again. I know it as deeply as I know my own name. If I am going to be with Brooks again in this lifetime, it can't be like that. I would rather die.
I can't go on like this, either. Eventually, and sooner rather than later, I will succumb to my misery and ask for it. I'll beg her to make me feel better. And she will. And I don't know what I'll wake up to. The wound on my thigh from the mark removal is only halfway healed. If she sends me under and calls Brooks, if he comes, he'll see it. He'll know. He'll know what I've become. He'll know what I've allowed. I can't. I just can't.
Inevitably, though, I do.
Less than a week. That's how long it takes for me to give in to the furious, nauseating craving.
“Please don't call Brooks,” I beg Kris as she measures the dose.
“I'm only giving you half of what you normally get. You've gone without for so long now that we can play with your tolerance a little. Isn't that exciting?” The dark light in her eyes lets me know exactly how exciting she finds it.
“I don't care about that,” I tell her. “Just don't call him here. Promise me.”
She gives me a stern look. “I promised I'd take care of you, didn't I?”
“That's not the same thing,” I counter. “Kris. Not him.”
“Well.” That's all she says as she holds her hand out expectantly.
I hesitate before I stretch my hand toward her and let her turn my wrist so that the blue-green veins show proudly. I can't stop this from happening. I've made the choice.
“Call someone else,” I whisper harshly. “Please.”
“There is one person who I think would be the right fit...” she trails off, knowing I'll take the bait.
I swipe a hand over my sticky forehead and try to tuck my hair behind my ear. It isn't quite long enough, but I try anyway. “Who?”
“Someone new. You'll like them.”
Them.
“Them” always means a female Alpha.
Fuck it. I shouldn't be allowed to enjoy this, anyway. I'm making another choice. I'm going to stop doing this to myself. I've threatened to get clean before—I've even meant it a few times. This time is real. The threat of being given to Brooks like a common whore and not even remembering it after the fact is worse than being sick, dying, or anything else. I have had enough.
“I don't like it when you get that look on your face, honey,” Kris says, squeezing my wrist. “It always means trouble for us.”
Us.
Us.
I let a laugh slip out as she slips the needle in. “There won't be any trouble.” Not yet.
The drug takes less than five minutes to reacquaint itself with my system, and less than an hour after that, I'm being mounted by a very pretty female Alpha whose name doesn't matter because I will burn through her by the time the sun goes down. She's still soft enough to be hurt by the simple fact that I don't want her. Pretty women don't like it when they're not the end goal, and while she can suck me off and ride me until both of us are raw, she will never be what I need to assuage this endless burning ache.
I might not want her, but I do need her. I need whatever relief I can get, even if it's her warm pussy locked around me. I'll take it, but it won't be enough. It will never be enough. Kris will have to call someone else if I'm to have any relief.
Then I remember what she said. Half the amount. It's going to wear off. It's going to wear off while I'm still balls deep inside this woman. And then...
Then I'll have to wait until it's over before I can get away from her. It's happened before, but it feels different this time. I can't concentrate long enough to figure it out now, which means that it will come barreling into me later.
“Such a sweet Omega,” the Alpha purrs as she fucks me. “You're doing so well.”
Even if I were capable of a response, I wouldn't bother giving her one. She's saying it for her own benefit.
