Page 29 of Vallaverse: Twist
It's the drugs. They've caused him to become either too sensitive or not sensitive enough. It happened before. He needs a week of knotting and then a month to get this shit out of his system. But at least I know what the problem is now.
I lean over him and take just his head into the heat of my mouth. He screams and spasms. I suck hard one, two, three times, and then his orgasm floods my mouth. The taste of him, even chemically altered, is enough to make me doubt my resignation. All I want to do is make him cum again and again until he's no more than a satisfied puddle on the mattress. And then I want to fuck him until he can't breathe without saying my name. That's not what I do, though.
I wait until he stops jerking in my hands and then lift off of him.
“Brooks,” he croaks, reaching for me again.
I fold the edges of the blanket around him. Then I do up my pants and pick up my jacket.
“I'm going,” I say quietly. “Before I do something else stupid. Your Alpha will be up soon to care for you.”
I leave before I give myself time to change my mind. I had considered tracking down his Alpha, but I remind myself that it's none of my business. I shouldn't have gone as far with him tonight as I did.
I can still taste him.
I am so unbearably stupid.
Chapter Thirteen
Laz
I haven't fucked Kris in a very long time. Years. But when she came back after Brooks left, there was no other choice. She just knew he'd get hooked by my heat since he sought out an appointment, and she planned her time accordingly. But she doesn't actually know Brooks or our history. She came home to find me huddled under my bed, deliriously screaming out my agony. It was either she help me immediately, or I simultaneously peel off my skin and abandon my sanity. She chose to save her financial endeavor.
She gave me a weak apology after it was over, but this was the final nail in the coffin. I was finally ready to give up this mess of a life before, but now I'm determined to leave as soon as possible. I was originally going to stay here long enough to wean myself off of the R cocktail she gives me, but it has become abundantly clear that that's not an option. She won't let me stop taking it, and she's more than willing to give it to me without my consent if it gets her what she wants.
That's all this has ever been. I've been basking in a window of miserable, sober clarity for the past few days, and I've had time to really reacquaint myself with my situation. I've come to the depressing conclusion that the only thing Kris saw in me from the very beginning is a junkie she could use to fill her pockets and climb her ladders. If I had kept a clear, rational head for longer than a few hours, I would have seen it sooner. I'm so stupid. I deserve everything I've gotten.
I should have realized what was happening during the very first ball she took me to. She dressed me up, and I was so excited to go. I had been to Scarlet Selection balls before, but after I met Brooks, I didn't want to go anymore. Kris wanted to take me and I wanted to go. It was fun. Even thinking back on it now and realizing what was happening around me that I missed, it was fun. I danced. I laughed. I accepted a few roses, and Kris accepted a bouquet on my behalf as my escort and chaperon. Then we went back to our hotel room, and she gave me the biggest dose of R I'd ever experienced. I woke up next to the current police chief three days later, covered in bruises and stale cum.
She told me I picked his rose from the pile. I believed her. But it happened again a week later with a judge. And a week after that with the Alpha who runs the docks. I didn't notice the pattern because I didn't want to. I didn't want to be inside my own skull back then. I wanted to forget the hurt I'd caused myself and the one person who tried to love me, and Kris was helping me do it. She was taking care of me and keeping me safe while we kept me under an ocean of glorious heat.
But it took a turn when she started aiming higher.
One night, she dosed me into oblivion and gave me to a Valla. He was the first Valla I had been with since leaving Brooks. I don't remember very much of what happened, but what I do remember is sickening. I must have accidentally called out forBrooks instead of the Valla, and he took it poorly. I have a vague recollection of being forced to say his name over and over again. I woke up in a medical clinic with Kris wringing her hands in the bedside chair. She promised me no more Valla, but that was a lie, too. There have been many Vallas, and they have all been very strategic choices for her. I overheard her on the phone one night telling someone that there's nothing more delicious than an Omega in heat and that my heat could go on for as long as she wanted it to, and whoever was on the other end of the call needed to make a choice because my client list was long and plentiful. I'm not sure what choice they made, but she didn't give me an injection until I was sitting between the two Alphas who showed up.
They were a mated pair who needed an Omega go-between to even out their dynamic. They paid Kris to try me out. They wanted to keep me. I remember the astronomical amount of money they offered her. She shut that down so fast. I remember being so grateful to her because there's no way that couple would have been able to find the quality of R that I was accustomed to. I also knew that once the heat wore off and the drug left my system, they wouldn't like the mess that was left afterwards.
Things have shifted over the years. I've been in one stage of heat or another for most of them. I can be honest with myself enough to admit that I love it. I love being in heat. I love heat spikes. I love the attention and the feeling of being needed. But enough is enough. I don't even remember the last time I went into a natural heat. I can't remember what that actually feels like. And I miss Brooks.
I don't let myself think about him often, but it's unavoidable now that he was here. I've cried over him so much, even though I made the choice that ended us. I created my own heartbreak, I know that. Sometimes I imagine the life we could have had together, and I hate myself even more. He loved me. I thinkhe still loves me. That's why he came. That's why he was so angry when he was here. That's why he brought me food and asked about my nest. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve him. He doesn't deserve my depravity or filth, or the things I've allowed to happen to me. It was one thing when he knew I was choosing to chase the thrill of constant heights of pleasure instead of building a life with him, but now he knows that I'm a whore. I could have had a good life. I could have had a Valla who loves me. Even if we weren't mated, he loved me. And I loved him.
I'm done. I don't want this life anymore. I don't want the clients. I don't want the drugs. I don't want the money or the lifestyle. I want to go home. I want to run to Brooks.He's home.
I have to make a plan and pray that it's enough.
Kris comes in a few hours later to rip open the drapes and shove a cup of coffee at me.
“Oh, sweetie. Stop sulking. It's a beautiful day outside. I'm going to walk around the block later. Maybe cross over to the cafe for lunch. Go with me. It will do you good to get some fresh air.”
I put the coffee on the nightstand without tasting it. “I'm not feeling fresh air and sunshine, Kris. Maybe we can go for dinner.”
I have every intention of putting her off then, too. I've been avoiding going anywhere with her if I can help it. I never know when it's an actual outing or if it's a guise to introduce me to another potential client. So far she hasn't pushed me into anything, but I can tell it's starting to get to her. She'll become insistent soon, and then she'll start distributing ultimatums. I hope to be gone before then.
“No,” she says, plopping down on my bed and sipping her own coffee. “I have other plans this evening. Can't you just enjoy an afternoon walk with me?”
“I don't feel well.”
“You're being ridiculous. You aren't sick. You're sad and pouting. A simple phone call would fix everything right up.”
