Page 20 of Tell Me Everything
Alex was the first to break the silence. “Tell me about your brother.”
Alex was the first person apart from Stacey to ask me about Mick. At first, I didn't know what to do; I didn't know what to say. I'd avoided talking about him for so long. Dealing with his passing was still something I had to learn. Alex sat down againstthe headboard of the bed, and I followed his movement. Mick...
“I don't know if you would have liked him,” I admitted with a smile. “He was sweet, but very energetic. So outgoing that being around him was sometimes tiring.”
Alex was much more at ease in groups than I was, but my brother had been a completely different kind of extrovert. He filled in every one of my shortcomings. When Mick was with me, I felt like a better version of myself—a prouder version. Now that he was gone, it was as if the best part of me had gone with him. Alex motioned for me to continue.
“He was funny, and he was my favourite person. You see, we always knew he was my father's favourite child, but Mick... he never let that hurt me. He always put me first, always stood by me, always made me feel loved, even with the parents we had.”
Losing him was like losing my sun. My throat tightened. I took a deep breath and hugged one of the pillows to my chest. Alex's perfume clouded my mind, slightly easing the pain.
“Tell me something else.”
Breaking the invisible barrier between us, Alex placed a warm palm on my arm.
“Mick always took me out for hamburgers, even though I wasn't allowed to eat them. Because of ballet, I had to watch my food intake very closely, which I don’t do anymore, but it was very hard to be on a diet every day of my life. So he would secretly bring me hamburgers from time to time. And he'd bring chips back to my room when no one was looking.”
“I'm sorry you lost him. Your brother seemed like an amazing person.”
I bit my thumbnail as I looked out the window at the passing cars. The world around us seemed to move at an entirely different tempo. “He was, and I miss him terribly. I don't know if heaven exists, but believing he's somewhere up there helps me accept that he's gone.”
Even though this room seemed empty, there was something about it that made me feel at ease. Sort of.
“Can I ask you a question?”
Alex beckoned me to speak. Now that I'd bared my heart to him, he didn't seem so intimidating anymore. Although he often hid it, Alex was a very empathetic person.
“Why did you hesitate when I asked you to come?”
“Uhm... I haven't brought anyone home in what must be seven years. Actually, I don't let anyone into my room when I'm here.”
That explained why his mother and sister had been so shocked when we’d arrived. The more time I spent with Alex, the more mysterious he was. Yet, as a rule, it's supposed to be the other way around. With Alex, I felt that as soon as we tried to get closer to him, we were facing a wall. Not a wall made of cardboard—a real fortress wall, ready to take any attack from the outside. I couldn't help but wonder what was hidden behind those. After all, he already knew everything about me.
“Why?”
“I don't like it when people get too close to me. It makes me feel like I'm suffocating.”
“Be honest. Does my presence here bother you?”
I was afraid of what he would say. Alex meant a lot to me, even though I often felt I cared more about him than he did about me. Just the thought of being a burden to him made me want to vomit.
“No, it doesn’t. I feel surprisingly calm.” His face was more serene than usual.
“So you've never brought a girl here before?”
“Never,” he said, shaking his head.
Impossible.
“What did you do then with your girlfriends? Didn't they ever wonder why they couldn't come to your place?”
Alex rubbed the back of his head, looking embarrassed. It was strangely adorable. I had to do my best not to pinch his cheeks. “This may surprise you, but I've never been in a relationship.”
I was at a loss for words. Alex was known to be a fan favourite. The fact that he'd never been serious seemed implausible. Even playboys fall in love, right? I shook my head. “You're lying.”
“I’m not. I've never been with anyone.”
“How is this possible? I mean, you have a certain reputation, you know.”
