Page 44 of Tell Me Everything
“I tried to sleep with someone at the party, but it only made me feel worse. I couldn't get you out of my head, even when she touched me. And that made me realize that I want to be with you, no matter what we do or who we are. No matter how terrified I am.”
Tears rolled down my cheeks. My mind was a mess, and I couldn't figure out what I was supposed to feel. I was still angry and stressed, but my heart had started to beat faster. A strange cocktail of happiness and panic made my head spin. Would Alex still feel the same when sober?
“Why are you so afraid to love me?”
He gave me a sad smile. It was unsettling to see him show his vulnerable side. For the first time since I knew him, he was finally going to be honest with me—reallyhonest. “Because I'm giving you all the keys to hurt me.”
“Are you sure you're not sober?” I squinted.
“Nope, as drunk as a skunk.”
Was he making fun of me or not? Too tired, I got out of bed.
Alex grabbed my leg and pulled me towards him. Trying not to crush him, I had to straddle his lap. “Your skin is so soft.”
Alex stroked my thighs, and I raised an eyebrow.
“Don’t touch, buddy,” I said, pushing his hand away. “Drunk people don't turn me on.”
A silent laugh shook his body. “You don't know what you'remissing.”
“Oh, but I do. You'll either puke on me or fall asleep before we’re done. I'll pass.”
Alex pouted, and I couldn't help but smile, some of my unease finally dissipating. This man really had a way of getting on my nerves just as much as his presence could make me feel better in seconds. He didn't know it, but he already had the keys to hurt me too; he’d had them for a while now. Alex returned my smile. I placed a kiss on his forehead before heading for the door.
“I'm going to miss you tonight.”
“Good night, Alex.”
“Good night, Lena.”
***
I tiptoed into Audrey's room, but she looked up from her book, still awake. She beckoned me closer. I lay down beside her.
“How is he?”
“He’s alright, we've talked. I just don't know if what he said is true.”
“Alex is honest when he’s drunk. What did he say?”
Should I tell Audrey what had happened? I wasn't sure Alex would agree with me sharing what he'd just said. On the other hand, maybe talking it over with her would help.
“He said he fell in love with me and freaked out.”
Her eyebrows went up in shock. “So he’s relapsing.”
“What do you mean?”
“My brother is an ostrich. When he feels strong emotions, he runs.”
That sounded familiar enough. Audrey let her head fall back into the pillow with a sigh. Apparently, Alex's behaviour had affected them all. How had he become like this?
“For a while, Alex took drugs. Mom tried to help him bysending him to a therapist, but he resisted. When you force Alex to do something, he gets stubborn and refuses to see reason.”
“What did you do then?”
“We had no choice but to trust him. It worked out because Alex calmed down. When he goes out now, all he does is drink or smoke weed. But he stopped going out months ago, so I don't know what got into him.”
