Page 45 of Tell Me Everything
I bit my thumbnail. All the answers I was looking for were there. Would I finally know? “What made him like that?”
Audrey pursed her lips. “I can't tell you. First, because I’m not sure he wants you to know, but also because I was never told the full story. I was six when he suffered a trauma. He’s been spiralling ever since.
He suffered a trauma and has been spiralling ever since...
***
Audrey and I were having breakfast when Alex came into the kitchen. The way he was frowning and pushing against his temples, it was impossible to ignore how hungover he was. Alex sat down next to me without speaking. Did he remember what had happened that night? I gave him a glass of water and paracetamol. Although I was still angry with him, I also felt sorry for him. Audrey and I continued talking, leaving Alex to sober up.
“I can't figure out if you're being nice or letting me stew.”
I took a bite of my toast. A big part of me wanted to let him stew, another part wanted to stay away from him. Because let's be honest, his confession had turned my world upside down. In a good way. But no, it wasn't enough to completely dissipate my anger, let alone my pain. The anguish I'd felt the day before had been too much. His little sister looked like a small animal facing danger. With our temperaments, things could get out of handvery quickly.
“It depends. Are you going to tell me why you left me to go to a party?”
Alex hadn't expected me to go on the offensive immediately. Given the day and night I'd just had, I wasn't going to go easy on him. Despite our discussion the night before, I wanted to see what his response would be now that he was sober. He wasn't going to admit he was in love with me now that he'd come to his senses, was he? Alex was far too secretive about his feelings to admit it while being lucid.
He shrugged as if he didn’t care. “I needed to get out.”
I expected him to elaborate a bit, but Alex kept his gaze fixed on his sister. Audrey stood up.
“Leave her alone. She was worried sick yesterday when you disappeared.”
Alex changed the subject. “How did I get home?”
“I brought you back.”
His face contorted into a reproachful grimace. As if things could have turned out differently. “You don't have a license.”
My blood boiled over. “What was I supposed to do then? You didn't really think I'd let you drive after you'd been drinking and smoking, did you? Do you have any idea how worried we've been?”
Alex rubbed his temples like I was giving him a splitting headache.Well, babe, buckle up then.Alex glared at me. A few months earlier, I would have been petrified. Now I knew he wouldn't hurt me. Not physically, at least.
“Why are you giving me a hard time?” he asked in a biting tone. “As far as I know, you're not my mother or my girlfriend.”
His words felt like a slap to my face, but I swallowed them down. The look on his face told me he already regretted those words, not that he intended to take them back. But he was right, I suppose.
I took a deep breath and regained my usual composure. All right, then. If he wanted to be an asshole, I wasn't going to insist. So I did what I did best: I turned my pain into cold, calm anger. “You're right, I’m not. I've got better things to do than waste my time on you.”
My cruel words hurt him, but I was so angry. How was it possible to be this happy and furious at the same time? I reached for my bag. Audrey gave me a sad look. She walked me to the front door, and I kissed her cheek. Alex followed, staying behind. Audrey disappeared, not wanting to see the shitshow between me and her brother come to life. I left the house and turned back to him. I’d told myself I wasn't going to insist, but I wasn’t done yet. Alex clenched his jaw; he knew the storm was about to break.
“You know, Alex, I’m well aware I'm not your girlfriend or your mom, but I thought we were friends.”
“Wearefriends.”
“You don't treat your friends the way you treated me.”
Just like the day before, he lowered his eyes. His guilt must be killing him if he couldn't holdmygaze. Maybe I should have gone easier on him. It was too late now. The machine was already in motion.
“I don't think you realize how worried I was about you. What you did really hurt me. You ditched me to go to a party, leaving me in the dark. I felt guilty for hours, thinking I'd done something wrong. And then you call me when you're wasted, like nothing happened!”
For half a second, Alex looked like a fragile, wounded child. A second later, his face was once more a stoic mask. I took a deep breath and ran a hand through my hair. Damn it. He really didn't understand how stupid he'd been.
“I broke the law for you. Did you think for one moment how your family would have felt if you'd driven that night and gottenin a car accident? Their lives would have been shattered. Next time you want to do things on your own, at least think about those who care about you for a second.”
Finally done, I descended the steps of his porch. I felt like an overcharged battery. Alex took a step towards me, and I stepped back.
“Do you want me to drop you off?”
