Page 47 of Tell Me Everything
I cared about him, but I couldn’t go through that kind of anguish again. Nor that kind of disappointment. He'd already done it twice. I couldn't afford to get my hopes up. My heart couldn't bear being crushed again, not by Alex.
“Of course not. I don't want to lose our friendship.”
I stood in front of him, and Alex took me in his arms. He squeezed hard, like he was afraid I'd push him away or disappear. I tried to swallow back my tears, to no avail. Missing him so much was frightening. I pushed the thought out of my mind to enjoy the moment.
“I don't want to be like this anymore,” my friend whispered against my neck.
“How?”
“Fucked up.”
If only things could be simple.
“Why are you here?”
“I needed to see you.” His sudden honesty caught me off guard.
I rolled my eyes to hide the effect his words had on me. “You make it sound like it’s vital.”
Alex ruffled my hair, laughing. “You're my best friend. Obviously, I need to see you.”
I placed both hands over my heart and let myself fall back onto my bed. “Ouch! I just got friendzoned.”
“What?”
“What?” I repeated.
“What did you just say?”
I shook my head and continued to deny everything. I could see by the look on his face that Alex was getting confused. “Nothing.”
“But you...” my friend tried.
“Nope.”
Alex and I burst out laughing. It was nice to be able to teaseeach other again. He sat down next to me. I hesitated. Should I pretend nothing had happened, or should I try and get the truth out of him? Finding out the truth was scary, but not knowing made me sick. I could still feel my panicked heart pounding in my throat. I had to at least try.
“Are you going to tell me why you ran away?”
I had to know how Alex felt about me.
A small smirk played on his lips. “You're not going to give up, are you?”
“I'd like to understand.”
“I'm not ready to talk about it. Can you accept that?”
I should have known. Alex hadn't said what I'd hoped for. Yet, without him even realizing it, he'd given me the answer. I bit my lip. It was hard to keep my composure, especially in the face of this truth. But this time, I had to be the stronger one. Alex needed that. I could keep his secret and pretend nothing had happened until he was ready. “Okay, I won't insist.”
His face relaxed instantly. “Thank you.”
That didn't mean I couldn't tease him a little. After all, humour was part of my survival mechanism. “Do you remember that night?”
Alex leaned back, worried. “Not really, no. I vaguely remember seeing you arrive at the party. And you putting me to bed.”
I tried to keep my expression as neutral as possible. “You really don't remember anything else?”
“Why are you insisting? What did I do?”
