Page 30 of Tell Me Everything
“So you're trying to buy my forgiveness.”
Elena crossed her arms, her eyes now stern. It was as if she had a switch that could turn her heart to ice in less than a second. Was this a typical girl thing? Or was it an Elena thing? Despite her looking like an angry puppy, her quick wit and touchiness kept him on his toes. One wrong move and the puppy would turn into a rabid dog.
“Yes. No!”
Alex ran a hand through his hair, sighing. He seemed to do everything wrong when it came to her. Why did she always see evil everywhere? Alex took the grunt. If he wanted her to let him back in, he needed to work hard. Her jaw clenched. Any trace of good humour, fragile as it was, was gone.
“Why does my forgiveness mean so much to you?”
“I don't want to leave things the way they are since...” He gestured nervously with his hands, not knowing what to call it. Everything that could go wrong that day had gone wrong.
“I'm not a charity case,” she said harshly. “You don't have to try so hard to clear your conscience. I'll get over it. You can go back to your little life.”
Elena was ready to move on, which disempowered him. Alex had become used to knowing she didn't find it easy to move on. Yet, since she'd started working on herself during therapy, she no longer hesitated to sort things out in her life. Including him. Alex hadn't been as honest about the whole friendship thing as he should have been, and seeing her ready to move on so quicklystung more than he cared to admit.
“You really don't understand, do you?”
She kept her eyes on her cup while she fiddled with the wrapper of her straw. He couldn't work out what she was thinking. Everything so clear to him was an enigma to her. But that was partly his fault. If he hadn't tried to stop her from seeing who he really was, things might have ended differently.
“If I'm trying to make amends, it’s not to have a clear conscience. I want to be able to spend time with you again without your hands trembling every time I come near you. Lena, I'm truly sorry for the way I've behaved towards you.”
She finally looked up. Her blue eyes shone with unshed tears. “Why would you want to spend your time with me?”
“I like your company, that's all.”
Because of all the emotional abuse, Elena was the kind of person who needed regular reassurance. On top of that, now that she'd made up her mind to get on with her life, Alex was going to have to hang on if he wanted her to keep him around. Alex didn't know if he'd be up to the task, but he wanted to try. When they were on the same wavelength, there was something that made their friendship special. He missed those carefree moments with her. When they were together, they weren't that angry guy and that traumatized girl, just Elena and Alex. And he blamed himself for shattering that.
“So, do you forgive me?”
She pretended to think. “That depends. Can I keep Neighomi?”
“Who?”
“The unicorn.”
“Of course. It was a gift.”
Chapter 14
Alex
“That was amazing.”
Melissa let herself fall back, sighing with satisfaction. Her breaths were still rapid. Alex lay back and watched the ceiling in silence, coming to his senses. He hoped to get some sleep. He was tired, but felt restless for some reason. As long as she didn’t start talking. Or worse. Being clingy. The rules were simple: just sex, nothing else. And yet, some of them started unpacking their whole lives after their orgasm. Others needed affection. As he had predicted, Melissa began to chat. Fortunately, her chatter was unimportant, so he pretended to listen. The moment she placed her hand on his bare chest to caress him, Alex tensed.Damn it.He jerked away.
“Can I use your shower?”
Her eyes widened before she nodded. Without giving her time to say something, Alex grabbed his clothes and disappeared into the bathroom. His heart was pounding and his hands were trembling. Why did they always have to touch him? Feeling his self-loathing turn to nausea, Alex reached the toilet just in time before vomiting his guts out.
The blonde had caught his eye on a drunken night out, and Alex had lusted after her for weeks. Now that he was here, he had to leave. Spending time with Melissa had only made him feel worse, unlike what he had hoped for. A quick shower later, he found himself in his car. He’d tried to smoke a cigarette before setting off. No success there either. His hands were still trembling, and he couldn't shake the uneasy feeling.
Every time a girl touched him affectionately after sex, he felt ashamed. Dirty. Each time, he thought it would be the last time, and yet he returned to his bad habits without ever being able to stop. A therapist had once said that Alex had self-destructive tendencies. If only she knew how right she'd been.
Alex reached for his phone, and Elena's name appeared on the screen. He opened the picture of her and Neighomi watchingThe Lord of the Rings. It was as if she was smiling at him and not at the camera. The message under the picture said:We're getting ready for the marathon!Alex smiled before replying.
Alex:You're watching Lord of the Rings without me? You wound me
By the time he went to put his phone back, she had already answered.
