Page 38 of Cookie: Part One
“Alik…”
“Okay just tell me, is it love?” he asks and I shake my head adamantly.
“… I uhm… i… it’s j-j-just s-sex,” I tell him and his jaw ticks.
“I see… so you are not... in love?” he whispers, the Russian accent thick with vulnerability and my heart thumps at that.Why is he asking all of that when he broke up with me?
“Alik,” I cut my eyes to him, growing upset. Who is he to question me when he left? I want to grab his head and dunk it in the water, but instead, I take a deep breath and let it out gently, telling him the truth. “I don’t knowwhatthis is with Mikhail. All I know is its raw, immediate, and utterly finite with all things considered. Right now, I’m just enjoying my vacation with a man I happen to find my type. It doesn’t mean anything beyond that.”
He flinches, watching me closely.
“You say zhat, Connie, but I know you vant more. You have a huge, beautiful heart and as selfish as it is, I vant it all.”
“You do have my heart… just… not all of it… not anymore.” I trail off.
“I know Connie… I know all too vell zhere vill never be an us again, but…” He places a shaking hand on my face. “By the Source… I…” he cuts off before he can finish his thought and turns away. “I vorry about you.”
My gaze falls, and I bite my lip hard.
“Alik, I love you,” I tell him and he flinches.
“But?”
I don’t say anything. The silence that follows is heavy, broken only by the gentle slosh of the pool water and the distant, muffled shouting from the psychos outside. His hand, which was resting near mine, curls into a tight fist before relaxing again. He stares into the water, unmoving, for what feels like a decade.
Then, he lifts his head, and his eyes… the kindest eyes in this entire ruthless family are clouded with genuine sadness.
“Connie,” he says, the word coming out as a sigh, deep and resigned. “As long as I can have you in my life, I’ll accept anyzhing.”
My heart skips a beat and he squeezes my hand with a bittersweet smile, the corners of his mouth barely lifting as if trying to mask the ache beneath. I reach out instinctively, cupping his cheek, something inside of me feeling like it’s dying, but I can’t put a finger on it.
“God Alik… you’re just too sweet,” I murmur.
The moment lingers between us as we hold hands while we just start talking, forgetting the sadness, but the entire time I feelhiseyes on me. I don’t know why, but with Misha watching and holding Alik’s hand, something stirs in me…
What is this feeling?
CHAPTER TWELVE
CONSTANCE
God… these people are fucking nuts!
I leave my room, still hearing them partying in the distance in this freezing fucking cold. Just the thought of it makes me pull my coat closer to me as I strut off in some random direction to clear my mind after my talk with Alik.
“So you’re saying zhere vill never be an us...”
Honestly… those words hurt more than I thought they would…not because I want anything between us, but because I know how much it hurt him to come to that realization.
I wish I could turn my feelings on for him so he could never hurt again, but I tried that before towards the end of our relationship and I was just… miserable. Every day he would come home and smile at me…kiss me, touch me, but it just felt…wrong.
When he made love to me, it was more like my body responding to stimulation rather than me actually enjoying it. My breaking point was when I started to see other women genuinely show romantic interest in him in my face, but I felt neither jealously nor resentment. I found I felt more relief… hope, and even excitement that he might cheat on me and move on, but who was I kidding? Alik was never that type of man.
He’s loyal to a fault and loveable beyond belief, even when we met through Pyper and I told him about Dren… my ex, the ongoing problem. Alik was still with me through and through and allowed me to lean on him as the stalking grew worse. He and Pyper went to Dren’s house and confronted him when the police and restraining orders did nothing to help, and they even wound up getting hurt. No, I don’t want to put Alik through that again. He deserves someone who will treat him like the good man he is.
I walk, listening to the crunch of my boots against gravel, accompanied by the rustling of the trees.
“Damn, I really can’t get over how peaceful it is here,” I mutter to myself and walk further until I pause when I see a massive ass greenhouse, lit up so dazzlingly. It honestly doesn’t look like it fits in this winter wonderland. The glow from the huge structure alone looks warm and inviting. Like something out of a fairytale.
